Pretty vs beauty

The other day as I was driving, I was reminded of a revelation I once had as a teenager.

I said to myself, "Ya know, I bet I'd be pretty if I were skinny/thin. Hmm, I wonder how crazy different I would look! Pretty...wow. I want to be pretty."

Recently, as in over the past year, I've realized "pretty" isn't exactly what I want to be. Pretty is dressed up. It's like the ugliest thing in the world could be dressed up and polished and it could be "pretty." Once, I even became bold enough to tell my boyfriend at the time how I took being called "pretty."

It happened one night when I decided to straighten my hair for church and when he came to my door, and I opened it he said in a semi-goofy voice to alleviate the awkwardness of the compliment, "You look so preeettyy." Instead of giving a hearty "Thanks" I responded to him with a loaded and obviously unsatisfied, "..thanks." He asked me sincerely what was wrong and I told him this, "Well, it's just...do you wanna know what I think of the term pretty?" He said he did and this is where I think my tone just tore him to pieces and killed every ounce of confidence he had in complimenting me that night. I said,"I think pretty is a down-graded version of beautiful." He didn't compliment me again for quite a long time after that.

So, about two weeks ago, I went to a play with one of my best friends. We saw "Shrek the Musical." If you ever have a chance, SEE IT! Really it's great. Anyway, one of the lines really hooked me. It made me think and really consider what I thought of "beauty" and "pretty." The line was as follows,

"Beautiful ain't always pretty."

The truth of that statement almost knocked me out of my seat. It seemed like God had reached down and poked my heart just a little bit when that line was said. Little did I know He would use that in my weightloss journey.

Now, yesterday at some point when I was driving, I remembered my "If I were skinny I'd be pretty" thought. Then it was like God spoke directly into my heart.

He said,"You are beautiful. Regardless of weight. You. Are. Beautiful. Perhaps yes, when you are thinner, you will be what the world deems 'pretty.' But no matter what you weigh, you will always be beautiful."

It's cool because my ideas about weightloss are now changing. Pretty isn't necessary, but beauty isn't optional. As a child of God and with Jesus as my Savior and with His light shining through me, it's as if I have no choice but to be beautiful. Pretty can come later...or tomorrow if I wear makeup and cute clothing, but every hour of everyday, Jesus makes me beautiful.

With that being said, I'm slightly more excited to do what God has called me to do. I feel slightly more encouraged and excited to lose weight. I mean, I'm just His temple which is already beautiful and making it pretty, right?

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

Giving Glory to God with Every Pound

It's been a while, and I finally decided to update.

So, for those of you that have attempted to keep up with my horrible blog skills, I'm sincerely sorry. I haven't given up on my weight loss, I just haven't been blogging about it.

I'd like for you to know a few things.

1- I reached my first goal of losing 10lbs on May 6, 2011. I've been rather consistent about keeping it off and I am slowly losing more weight. My habits are changing slowly and I think this is the best way for me to lose the weight.

2- Also, my terms of why I'm losing weight have kind of changed. See, my friend started to lose weight a few months after me. She weighed a good 40lbs more then me and began to shed it quickly. I was jealous at first of her success. I didn't understand why she could do so well and I was plateauing every other week. She helped me to realize that she knew it wasn't about her. Her body is not her own. Her body is God's body, His temple. I didn't want to think about that very much at first. It made me mad to think that my body wasn't my own and that I couldn't actually get to the goals I wanted to on my own. It took me a lot of sweat and tears to realize, she was right. I needed to ask God for help. So I finally did. He gave me peace about it. Slowly but surely I have been losing weight. I officially weigh ten pounds less then I did when I started this journey back in January. All the Glory goes to God, but with a big thanks to my friend, my brother, and the rest of my support group.

3- I feel like I have no choice but to lose weight this summer. See, I'm doing an internship for my church this summer with 4 other people. The 3 other girls and a few of the staff members at the church are in a "biggest loser" contest. Every day, I am constantly reminded to watch what I eat, record my calories, and try to exercise. It's been really great. The only problem is remembering to bring my food with me to church every day. There are certainly plenty of great restaurants around that I love to eat at when I'm at church, but if I bring my lunch, I know what I'm eating and I don't spend money, both of which are extremely important at this point. Also, with the internship, I'm moving a little more. I'm not just at home with the cabinet full of snacks (not even unhealthy snacks, just unlimited) and the TV to remind me of food.

4- I have a job. =) In fact, it's probably the best job I could ask for when trying to lose weight. I am gardening and doing yard work for a lady that goes to the church I attended this past semester. So far I haven't been able to work for more than an hour at a time but that was because I was digging a trench for a weed barrier about 20ft long. I don't know if you can picture that, but I'm basically doing a "axe swing down" motion.... I don't even know if that makes sense, but it's what I did for two hours (different days) this week. Altogether I probably dug 40ft of ground up. It was intense. Fortunately I've got 'em dug and now i can continue to other parts of my job. I don't know what that entails yet (haha).

So right now, things seem to be going in the direction I need them to. I seriously just know that this hasn't been possible without God. He really is my strength. If you don't have that relationship with Jesus Christ that the Bible talks about (John 14:6-8), please ask me about it. I can give you so many examples of how He has been faithful in my life. I have stories you can't simply explain away. I hope that through my weightloss journey I can glorify Him above myself.

Oh, and one last random thing, I passed all my classes this past semester. I got a 2.75GPA which brings me to a 2.7cum GPA (I think). I'm super excited because I didn't know what God wanted me to do with next semester and I knew that He would either open a door, or close it. Literally 2 of my classes could have gone either way. I had no idea what would happen, but I knew if I failed any of my classes, I would probably take next year off. I don't know what I would do, God would have to provide a job or something (which, if I was supposed to be in school, I doubt He would..anyway that's a blog for another day).

Anyway, I'm super excited about my new body and the changes I'm enduring. This is a little strange but it's a very tangible way that my body has changed over the past month. My period came early this cycle. The reason this is strange is because I'm on birth control in order to help my period as it is more than moderately bad but less then extremely bad. Enough that birth control is how I control it. I can't say whether this change is an indication that this is a good change or a bad change, but regardless my body is telling me it's changing.

So, I leave you with this: God is faithful, I'm doing well, and please pray that I can continue to give God the control.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae