Do I Care?

So as I leave my wonderful vacation with my family to come home, my mom and I had an interesting discussion. In regards to my health she asked me basically if I cared. Though nothing she said really made sense Ans she didn't have much of a point beyond do I care, that question has stuck with me.

I feel like I care but I'm worried, now, that I've confused being comfortable with the way I look and my weight with being apathetic. This is kind of scary for me since I'm going to be home for a couple of weeks.

See, home(my parent's house) is always where I become most lethargic and gain weight. I'm kind of thinking maybe ill go back earlier then I planned. Just thinking about being at home and being bored is making me wanna not be home....hmm.

Perhaps that feeling of anxiety answers my question of do I care. I guess I do. Now I just have to care enough to take the second step, not staying home long is certainly the first.

Let's pray that I can do that, take the second step and do more.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.
--Maggie Mae

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Habits

Yesterday I was more then just aggravated. I was super annoyed and frustrated. It probably had more to do with the fact that I'm at the beach and bored because it refuses to stop raining with the stupid tropical storm that's in the gulf....

So with all my time to think, I started thinking about my weightloss. I saw my sister for the first time since last Christmas and she looks awesome! I got jealous and continued to think about weightloss. Then I realized my mom always maintains her weight perfectly. Perhaps fluctuates that normal 1-2 lbs every now and then, but she really does a great job. I just realized that it's because even on vacation she walks. She never loses that momentum. Every morning after she eats breakfast or whatever she does, she walks for about an hour. No matter where we are, if she can walk, she does.

I've been maintaining for a good while and since I hit my 13lbs about 2 weeks ago. Now that I'm at the beach though, I'm like...not doing anything. At least when I was in Baton Rouge I was moving constantly even if it wasn't actual 30minutes of exercise. I need to develop something where my day can't even start if I haven't worked out....I know I can do it, but I have to get into the habit.

Anyway, I don't know the exact point of this blog...but I think I'm going to go for a bike ride, even if it's into the wind. I'm so bored! Ugh! Even the book I'm reading isn't keeping my attention. I think I need a good old pray bike. Just go with God and bike ride. Yeah...that's what I'm gonna do.

Later.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

I'm only 20.... (Chiropractor visit.)

Oh how stressful today was.

So, as many of you know, I have had back pain for some time now. I never understood why my back was so dang sensitive and why sometimes I could reach for something and be in pain for 3 days.

After the years of annoying aches and pains and trying to get any temporary relief I could from pain relievers, stretching, and cracking, I went to the chiropractor. He ran tests and took x-rays. The results were, kind of overwhelming to say the least.

In short...I have scoliosis (curvature of the spine, fortunately I don't need a brace or surgery), the first stage of osteoarthritis in my neck (which can be slowed down and helped), plenty of compressed nerves (most of my pain), and some bone spurs starting to develop along my neck where the osteoarthritis is beginning.

You can only imagine my joy upon hearing all of this. It was one thing to think I had scoliosis from a general exam when I was in middle school, it's another thing to hear it and be shown from the x-rays that that was true along with a multitude of other things. However, I am relieved because there was an actual reason for my pain. It wasn't just a "I'm sorry I don't know what's wrong with you" doctor visit, there's actual reasons and reasons mean you have problems and identifying those problems leads to discovering the solutions....right?

So basically I have started treatment, but I don't have all of the technical terms for the treatments so I'll update y'all when I know the actual terms over my terms which include "electrical shock treatment thing." Now that just doesn't sound ethical, does it?

Anyway, so far this news hasn't effected my movement or eating habits. It's just taken a tole on my mental well-being. I'm just...so overwhelmed right now. Hopefully the stress doesn't slow my metabolism or anything. Fortunately I have my family's support. Also I have my friends, whom I couldn't really tell today because I couldn't keep from crying.

Ugh...this is just sucky. Sorry this blog post is more of a venting thing where I can be hopeful one second and bitter the next.

Anyway, I won't bore you any longer, but please be praying for me. I'm only 20 years old. I'm not supposed to have these problems. These are "old people" problems. I'm just 20....that's the part that gets to me the most. I'm only 20...

I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

Questioning the Program...

So, I'm reconsidering this cleansing diet...

Here are my reasons:

I don't understand it completely. Even through trying to explain it over and over again to people, I don't get it. Like, I understand trying to give your liver a kick start, but the diet takes out all "allergen foods." Foods like milk, soy products, starches, and tons of other stuff.

Also, with the suggested intake of food, I'm eating less then 1200 calories a day which isn't healthy for women. Women should eat a MINIMUM of 1200 calories a day to provide them with sufficient nutrients and energy. I went to work (gardening) the other day and had to leave earlier than I had planned because I wasn't feeling quite right. I had only eaten about 800 calories that day and then tried heavy labor. While I had surpassed my recommended 8 cups of water that day, my calorie intake just wasn't enough.

Lastly, my roommate finds it strange. See, she is a food science major who's mother is a nutritionist. I tried to explain it to her and brought up my concern about not taking the supplements they recommend (you can actually order the whole cleanse package at their website for like $400). I don't have the money to buy supplements and what not so I'm not taking the probiotics and whatever else they recommend with each meal. She told me she is always hesitant to recommend or try things like this because they are trying to make money and they recommend eating less. She said that she's always interested in programs that offer you more eating rather then less since the programs, like this one, recommend eating less then the minimum you should consume daily.

So here's what I'm thinking I will do for the next 18 days. I will continue to drink mostly water and no caffeine or sodas. I will continue to eat 3 meals a day with 2 being a liquid meal. I will continue to eat things with less preservatives or none (i.e. more organic type things as my budget allows). Lastly, I will continue to not eat for 12 hours (8pm-8am).

I don't have food allergens so I don't see why this is a good thing for me to do. I will help out my liver as much as I can by drinking lots of water (which it doesn't have to convert into something else giving it more time to metabolize other things....says my brother/trainer) and by trying to eat things with less preservatives and more protein and fiber. So, for right now, I will continue with "MyFitnessPal" (the app on my phone) to keep track of my weight and what I eat.

Also, on as far as the spiritual cleanse is going, it's going. It's just so difficult for me to sit and have actual QUIET and non-distracted times with Jesus. Some how today I managed to focus a bit on praying. I've been super stressed about this upcoming fall and whether God was still calling me back to my college. I just didn't know. I kept telling people,"Well I need to pray more about it." I haven't been praying about it, so I finally did today. I asked God if I were to go back to school and I felt I should. So, I am publicly letting everyone who reads this know, I will return to school in the fall. What else that entails, I don't know yet. I'm praying more about my extra-curricular activities right now (and I'm actually trying to pray for them).

Oh, and on a more related note to the diet part, I am completely addicted to caffeine. Kind of sucks when you start a detox that says no caffeine.... But, fortunately, my withdrawal symptoms seem to be fading. The headaches are shorter and the energy last a little longer even without the help of my energizing friend.

So, there ya have it. Things are moving along just fine right now. Still trying to cleanse my body of nasty and trying to cleanse my spiritual life of the lazy.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

Detoxification!

Hello friends and family!

So, it seems as though I have hit a rather long plateau in my weightloss journey. I have lost a total of 11lbs since January and I am absolutely thrilled about that! But...now it's time to get back into it. So, I'm doing a detox.

I read about this 21day Clean Program Detox (cleanprogram.com) in a magazine my mother had. It seemed like a good way to kick this plateaus butt...so I started that today.

How it works...you eat 3 meals a day: Breakfast and Dinner are liquids meals, like soup or shakes or smoothies etc. Lunch is a solid meal, which, for me, will likely be lean cuisines...however I don't know that that's the best idea because it's processed, but I don't know what else to eat...spinach salad I guess? Anyway, it also says to snack on raw fruits, vegetables, and nuts. So, today I snacked on a few blueberries and cashews (recommended).

At the end of the day I'm thinking, "This is a breeze! I can certainly do 21 days of this!" Then I re-read the article. It came with the website I put earlier and suggested looking at it to check out the "include/exclude" list for the "elimination phase (first week)" of the detox. OH MY GOODNESS! So many of the things I absolutely LOVE eating everyday were on the exclude list. Things like milk and chocolate. Even strawberries and honey were on the list! So, it's actually much harder then I thought it was going to be. But I know I can do it, it's only 21 days (20 after today).

So, my detox is going to be a little more difficult then I knew, but fortunately the elimination phase is only one week, or I can make it longer, but I guess that will be decided next week.

But I want you to know that I'm not only doing a physical detox, I am also doing a spiritual detox. I will not get on facebook for 21 days and will try to practice spiritual disciplines more, like reading my Bible and actually trying in my devotional times to be devotional.

So, 21 days. 1lb a day (says this is what you'll lose, which we will wait to see). 21lbs. Let's see if I can do this! And I can because...

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

Pretty vs beauty

The other day as I was driving, I was reminded of a revelation I once had as a teenager.

I said to myself, "Ya know, I bet I'd be pretty if I were skinny/thin. Hmm, I wonder how crazy different I would look! Pretty...wow. I want to be pretty."

Recently, as in over the past year, I've realized "pretty" isn't exactly what I want to be. Pretty is dressed up. It's like the ugliest thing in the world could be dressed up and polished and it could be "pretty." Once, I even became bold enough to tell my boyfriend at the time how I took being called "pretty."

It happened one night when I decided to straighten my hair for church and when he came to my door, and I opened it he said in a semi-goofy voice to alleviate the awkwardness of the compliment, "You look so preeettyy." Instead of giving a hearty "Thanks" I responded to him with a loaded and obviously unsatisfied, "..thanks." He asked me sincerely what was wrong and I told him this, "Well, it's just...do you wanna know what I think of the term pretty?" He said he did and this is where I think my tone just tore him to pieces and killed every ounce of confidence he had in complimenting me that night. I said,"I think pretty is a down-graded version of beautiful." He didn't compliment me again for quite a long time after that.

So, about two weeks ago, I went to a play with one of my best friends. We saw "Shrek the Musical." If you ever have a chance, SEE IT! Really it's great. Anyway, one of the lines really hooked me. It made me think and really consider what I thought of "beauty" and "pretty." The line was as follows,

"Beautiful ain't always pretty."

The truth of that statement almost knocked me out of my seat. It seemed like God had reached down and poked my heart just a little bit when that line was said. Little did I know He would use that in my weightloss journey.

Now, yesterday at some point when I was driving, I remembered my "If I were skinny I'd be pretty" thought. Then it was like God spoke directly into my heart.

He said,"You are beautiful. Regardless of weight. You. Are. Beautiful. Perhaps yes, when you are thinner, you will be what the world deems 'pretty.' But no matter what you weigh, you will always be beautiful."

It's cool because my ideas about weightloss are now changing. Pretty isn't necessary, but beauty isn't optional. As a child of God and with Jesus as my Savior and with His light shining through me, it's as if I have no choice but to be beautiful. Pretty can come later...or tomorrow if I wear makeup and cute clothing, but every hour of everyday, Jesus makes me beautiful.

With that being said, I'm slightly more excited to do what God has called me to do. I feel slightly more encouraged and excited to lose weight. I mean, I'm just His temple which is already beautiful and making it pretty, right?

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

Giving Glory to God with Every Pound

It's been a while, and I finally decided to update.

So, for those of you that have attempted to keep up with my horrible blog skills, I'm sincerely sorry. I haven't given up on my weight loss, I just haven't been blogging about it.

I'd like for you to know a few things.

1- I reached my first goal of losing 10lbs on May 6, 2011. I've been rather consistent about keeping it off and I am slowly losing more weight. My habits are changing slowly and I think this is the best way for me to lose the weight.

2- Also, my terms of why I'm losing weight have kind of changed. See, my friend started to lose weight a few months after me. She weighed a good 40lbs more then me and began to shed it quickly. I was jealous at first of her success. I didn't understand why she could do so well and I was plateauing every other week. She helped me to realize that she knew it wasn't about her. Her body is not her own. Her body is God's body, His temple. I didn't want to think about that very much at first. It made me mad to think that my body wasn't my own and that I couldn't actually get to the goals I wanted to on my own. It took me a lot of sweat and tears to realize, she was right. I needed to ask God for help. So I finally did. He gave me peace about it. Slowly but surely I have been losing weight. I officially weigh ten pounds less then I did when I started this journey back in January. All the Glory goes to God, but with a big thanks to my friend, my brother, and the rest of my support group.

3- I feel like I have no choice but to lose weight this summer. See, I'm doing an internship for my church this summer with 4 other people. The 3 other girls and a few of the staff members at the church are in a "biggest loser" contest. Every day, I am constantly reminded to watch what I eat, record my calories, and try to exercise. It's been really great. The only problem is remembering to bring my food with me to church every day. There are certainly plenty of great restaurants around that I love to eat at when I'm at church, but if I bring my lunch, I know what I'm eating and I don't spend money, both of which are extremely important at this point. Also, with the internship, I'm moving a little more. I'm not just at home with the cabinet full of snacks (not even unhealthy snacks, just unlimited) and the TV to remind me of food.

4- I have a job. =) In fact, it's probably the best job I could ask for when trying to lose weight. I am gardening and doing yard work for a lady that goes to the church I attended this past semester. So far I haven't been able to work for more than an hour at a time but that was because I was digging a trench for a weed barrier about 20ft long. I don't know if you can picture that, but I'm basically doing a "axe swing down" motion.... I don't even know if that makes sense, but it's what I did for two hours (different days) this week. Altogether I probably dug 40ft of ground up. It was intense. Fortunately I've got 'em dug and now i can continue to other parts of my job. I don't know what that entails yet (haha).

So right now, things seem to be going in the direction I need them to. I seriously just know that this hasn't been possible without God. He really is my strength. If you don't have that relationship with Jesus Christ that the Bible talks about (John 14:6-8), please ask me about it. I can give you so many examples of how He has been faithful in my life. I have stories you can't simply explain away. I hope that through my weightloss journey I can glorify Him above myself.

Oh, and one last random thing, I passed all my classes this past semester. I got a 2.75GPA which brings me to a 2.7cum GPA (I think). I'm super excited because I didn't know what God wanted me to do with next semester and I knew that He would either open a door, or close it. Literally 2 of my classes could have gone either way. I had no idea what would happen, but I knew if I failed any of my classes, I would probably take next year off. I don't know what I would do, God would have to provide a job or something (which, if I was supposed to be in school, I doubt He would..anyway that's a blog for another day).

Anyway, I'm super excited about my new body and the changes I'm enduring. This is a little strange but it's a very tangible way that my body has changed over the past month. My period came early this cycle. The reason this is strange is because I'm on birth control in order to help my period as it is more than moderately bad but less then extremely bad. Enough that birth control is how I control it. I can't say whether this change is an indication that this is a good change or a bad change, but regardless my body is telling me it's changing.

So, I leave you with this: God is faithful, I'm doing well, and please pray that I can continue to give God the control.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae