No Job...Not Really

Okay...so this is probably the craziest sounding posts I have ever posted.

I got the sales job. Here's the catch, God is telling me not to take it (NO THIS IS NOT A COP OUT BECAUSE I'M SCARED I CAN'T DO IT. I KNOW I CAN, BUT GOD IS SAYING DIFFERENTLY.).

Before you get all crazy and judgmental and tell me that I'm being stupid or unwise or whatever, please, pray and breathe and open your mind.

When I dropped out of school, God told me through a friend not to settle for just any old job. I took this as God saying, "I will provide an amazing job for you that you will love." However, that's not what He was saying. It took me until today to really and fully begin to understand the weight of what God is calling me to do and it fell on me like the weight of the world. He is calling me to (literally) fully rely on Him for providence and guidance and everything. I can't even comprehend it, I guess it's something about being bold and not being timid (2 Tim 1:7).

When I was going through applying, interviewing, and training it felt weird. It was a sales job and I knew it would be something I was good (probably great) at and something I could get promoted quickly for. I'm a natural seller, just ask my parents.

Today, as I was going through the second training round and we were told we had to fill out "leads" and what not, I got a phone call from a family I had interviewed with the first week and loved. They wanted to talk to me more about working for them. My heart jumped and I knew this is what I wanted to do and that even if I took the other job as a part time thing, I would be unhappy and working constantly. I would be in the same place I was when I was in school, except it would just be working all the time instead of studying all the time.

As I began to realize I wasn't supposed to take the sales job, I knew I had to make up an excuse as to why I wasn't able to get people(which I don't know that I could have anyway) and so I did. When they asked me what I was doing tomorrow night I told them I was babysitting, which, at the time, I wasn't. When we had ended and were dismissed, I told the manager what had happened and she didn't seem mad or anything but just kind of indifferent.

When I drove away, I realized just how overwhelmed I was. I wanted to break down but I was in my car, so it wasn't exactly a great idea. It wasn't until about an hour later when I got to sit down and actually think. Finally, God spoke to me and told me that the purpose of my "big leap" in dropping out of school wasn't the only part of my trusting in Him. It continues into my finances. He helped me see it's not about how much money I make, it's about allowing Him to provide for me in EVERY way. It's like I have to let Him pay my bills, make my meals, and pump my gas. I have to trust Him in the biggest areas of my life.

He told me not to take the job, and I'm listening. I'm going to take the nanny job, but it's only a part time thing. It might be unwise, stupid, and foolish in the world's eye to forfeit such a great paying job, but I'm trusting God with everything. Every job I get, babysitting or lawn care, I'm trusting Him. He's going to provide them. (Earlier when I lied and said I was babysitting tomorrow, I wasn't. 2 or 3 hours after I said that, I got a text from a great paying family to babysit for tomorrow night. God has yet to cease His flow of faithfulness.) That's what He told me when I dropped out, "If you are obedient, I will provide." I don't know how this is going to work out or look, but I think that's just another part of trusting Him.

Go ahead and say I'm dumb, say I'm unwise or foolish, say whatever you want! It doesn't matter because my God is a faithful God. He's providing me with a bunch of different things. Everything is...sort of working out. It's crazy and I don't know how to handle any of it. I'm beyond overwhelmed and just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm terrified and stunned and still not sure what to do. I'm just being honest, if you think any of this is easy for me, that it's easy to not know if you can pay rent, eat dinner the next night, and basically live hour to hour, it's not. It's incredibly difficult and quite stressful. I find comfort only in Romans 8:28 where we are told that God will use all things to work together for our good....

Trusting God like this is overwhelming in the most intense degree. It hurts and it's scary and makes me extremely vulnerable, but I can't forget, His power is made perfect in our weakness...(2 Cor. 12:9)

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.
--Maggie Mae