God's got it, so you don't have to! Itsn't that lovely?!

I feel like I'm screaming at the top of my lungs and not a single soul hears me. It's as if I'm trapped, trapped within my own wicked desires of lust and hate. I don't know where I am or where I'm going. All I know is that life is coming. It's coming fast. Yesterday used to be today, now it's gone. All that could have been yesterday is no longer. Only a few hours left of today. I feel like I'm wasting away. Like I can't keep up with my own life.

This is my struggle on some days. Thankfully this frustration isn't often. But tonight, I can't shake the feeling of wanting to escape. I want to leave it all behind, just for a little while, until things become calm enough to see everything as it is, not just this blur of light that whizzes past me in a blur of color and emotion.

It feels like somethings coming, something big. Something I can't comprehend. Perhaps it's the soon-to-be drama within my family. Perhaps it's the exams that wait for me within the tomorrow of this month. I'm not sure, but I'm stressing about something I can't even identify!

I wish for God to take this nuisance. This miserable little parasite that feeds on my insides as it crawls through me sucking out everything and leaving raw and pure emotion. Already an incredibly emotional person, this is not safe for me. I need to relax. I don't know how to right now. I feel like every minute that ticks by is a life time of things I could have done.

Then again, last night God spoke to me a reassurance. "Enjoy life. Don't worry about anything less than eternal! God's got it so you don't have to. Isn't that lovely?!" Oh how truly lovely that is. As my worship music plays and I hear one of my best friends praise God for all He is, I can feel the frustration drip from my limbs. I can rest in knowing that He has me. That no matter what happens and no matter who talks to me and who doesn't, everything is okay.

Satan has no hold on my life. He never will.

As my emotions begin to settle and my spirit begins to retake control of my body rather then my flesh, I can feel God around me. One of the most delightful things ever. I get chills allowing Him to breathe His life--my life-- into me. No matter how much pain my flesh is in, the emotions of it will not win this battle. I will be okay. God has me and He does not share. I am His. He is mine.

Oh pure joy it is to rest in Him!

Now to study.

--Maggie Mae

Discouragement out, motivation in.

I've been doing weight watchers for about two months now. I am overweight and I want to be healthy, but more then that, I want to be able to glorify God with my body and I believe that means being healthy and taking care of what He gave me.

I've lost a total of 9lbs, as of last week. It was incredibly encouraging! I was under the weight I had started the summer with! I was 1lb away from my first goal weight which was 10lbs less then the weight I began with.

This morning I weighed myself as I do every Sunday. I had gained 1.8lbs. I was almost devastated. I say almost because when I've tried to lose weight in the past, whenever I'd gain weight, I would become discouraged and give up. Yes, I know it's extreme, but I've never been one to do things half way. I decided going into this weight loss journey that no matter what, I would not be discouraged. I want to be motivated only. I don't want to give up.

I post this in asking for prayer. I ask you to pray with me as I ask God to give me the motivation, not the ability, to lose weight. Even if it's .2lbs a week for the next year, it's weight loss. It's one step towards being a healthier me and being able to represent God better by being healthier. He is the only way I can lose or gain weight and I believe that He wants me to be healthy.

So, my motto--and prayer-- from here on out is, "Discouragement out, motivation in."

--Maggie Mae