One A Day

Again, I'm starting something new.

In the past few months God has revealed to me a quite shocking revelation: I am deeply and seriously afraid of commitment. Throughout my life there have been few things that I have stuck with and seen through for more than a few months. I desperately want and need to break this bondage. I mean, really, I would like to get married some day but the thought of even DATING terrifies me right now! It was a completely unexpected and kind of unwelcomed revelation.

So in order to try and break this pattern, bondage, whatever you wish to call it, I am starting what I'm going to call my "One A Day" program! Each day of the month of December I am going to do healthy things to improve my body, mind, soul, and heart. All of those things we need to love the Lord (Luke 10:27).

Here are a few things I've thought of that I will do each day (I'm sure more will come along):

I will read one Proverb a day and meditate on it

I will take one multivitamin a day along with an Acai berry concentrate pill (for weightloss and general health), a does of magnesium with chelated zinc (this just helps with pretty much everything, I'll be taking it as a preventative for migraines, back pain, and PMS), and an allergy pill everyday (to just help with asthma and allergies...ha).

I will drink 8cups of water a day.

I will do something physical for at least 30 minutes everyday.

I will stretch once a day for my back and overall body health.

I will give thanks (at least) once a day to the LORD for all I have.

I will blog once a day.

Lastly, once a week I will practice my guitar.

So, today I'm starting all of this. So far I have taken my pills and supplements, here's my blog, and after this I am going sign up for a gym near my house. I've started my water consumption and will read Proverbs 1 today.

EEK! I'm really hoping this 31 day thing will help me grow closer to God and help me understand this lack of commitment thing I have. If you'd like to go along with me on this, I would love that! I strongly suggest the Proverbs challenge. There are 31 Proverbs and this month there are 31 days. One a day.

Let the fun begin!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

No Job...Not Really

Okay...so this is probably the craziest sounding posts I have ever posted.

I got the sales job. Here's the catch, God is telling me not to take it (NO THIS IS NOT A COP OUT BECAUSE I'M SCARED I CAN'T DO IT. I KNOW I CAN, BUT GOD IS SAYING DIFFERENTLY.).

Before you get all crazy and judgmental and tell me that I'm being stupid or unwise or whatever, please, pray and breathe and open your mind.

When I dropped out of school, God told me through a friend not to settle for just any old job. I took this as God saying, "I will provide an amazing job for you that you will love." However, that's not what He was saying. It took me until today to really and fully begin to understand the weight of what God is calling me to do and it fell on me like the weight of the world. He is calling me to (literally) fully rely on Him for providence and guidance and everything. I can't even comprehend it, I guess it's something about being bold and not being timid (2 Tim 1:7).

When I was going through applying, interviewing, and training it felt weird. It was a sales job and I knew it would be something I was good (probably great) at and something I could get promoted quickly for. I'm a natural seller, just ask my parents.

Today, as I was going through the second training round and we were told we had to fill out "leads" and what not, I got a phone call from a family I had interviewed with the first week and loved. They wanted to talk to me more about working for them. My heart jumped and I knew this is what I wanted to do and that even if I took the other job as a part time thing, I would be unhappy and working constantly. I would be in the same place I was when I was in school, except it would just be working all the time instead of studying all the time.

As I began to realize I wasn't supposed to take the sales job, I knew I had to make up an excuse as to why I wasn't able to get people(which I don't know that I could have anyway) and so I did. When they asked me what I was doing tomorrow night I told them I was babysitting, which, at the time, I wasn't. When we had ended and were dismissed, I told the manager what had happened and she didn't seem mad or anything but just kind of indifferent.

When I drove away, I realized just how overwhelmed I was. I wanted to break down but I was in my car, so it wasn't exactly a great idea. It wasn't until about an hour later when I got to sit down and actually think. Finally, God spoke to me and told me that the purpose of my "big leap" in dropping out of school wasn't the only part of my trusting in Him. It continues into my finances. He helped me see it's not about how much money I make, it's about allowing Him to provide for me in EVERY way. It's like I have to let Him pay my bills, make my meals, and pump my gas. I have to trust Him in the biggest areas of my life.

He told me not to take the job, and I'm listening. I'm going to take the nanny job, but it's only a part time thing. It might be unwise, stupid, and foolish in the world's eye to forfeit such a great paying job, but I'm trusting God with everything. Every job I get, babysitting or lawn care, I'm trusting Him. He's going to provide them. (Earlier when I lied and said I was babysitting tomorrow, I wasn't. 2 or 3 hours after I said that, I got a text from a great paying family to babysit for tomorrow night. God has yet to cease His flow of faithfulness.) That's what He told me when I dropped out, "If you are obedient, I will provide." I don't know how this is going to work out or look, but I think that's just another part of trusting Him.

Go ahead and say I'm dumb, say I'm unwise or foolish, say whatever you want! It doesn't matter because my God is a faithful God. He's providing me with a bunch of different things. Everything is...sort of working out. It's crazy and I don't know how to handle any of it. I'm beyond overwhelmed and just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm terrified and stunned and still not sure what to do. I'm just being honest, if you think any of this is easy for me, that it's easy to not know if you can pay rent, eat dinner the next night, and basically live hour to hour, it's not. It's incredibly difficult and quite stressful. I find comfort only in Romans 8:28 where we are told that God will use all things to work together for our good....

Trusting God like this is overwhelming in the most intense degree. It hurts and it's scary and makes me extremely vulnerable, but I can't forget, His power is made perfect in our weakness...(2 Cor. 12:9)

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.
--Maggie Mae

Ruth fully Trusted in God and Didn't Look back, I'm following in her footsteps.

So I've officially been a college "drop out" for three days. I have had a a pretty constant head ache for about, you guessed it, 3 days.

While I may be stressed, I'm already happier. I know I don't have to worry about school and papers or tests. I fill my days instead with job hunting. I'm currently on 3 different sites hoping God will get me noticed and someone will email me.

The interviews I had this week went pretty well. I mean, the nanny job was an awesome interview and the law firm job...well it might be my "plan b" job. The family I interviewed with was great. Very friendly and had a beautiful little girl! She took about ten minutes to warm up to me, but after that, if I looked away she made she she got my attention again quickly. Hopefully things will work in my favor and I'll get to spend a bunch of time with her in the future! The law firm interview was a little different. It's not exactly the kind of environment I aspire to work in. This is my time to find out what I want to do and I don't think that I want to make copies for 40 hours a week. The people were nice and some of my friends even work there, but I don't think that's where I want to end up. I'd like to think that God was sending me signs about it since when I was trying to get my resume together my computer didn't want to cooperate and it took me an hour to find the place, but then again that could just be my flesh.

I also got another email back from a lady that I sent an application to. She wants to set up an interview and if all goes well I'd start working for her in January! Of course that's being a little presumptuous and getting a little overly excited, but, hey, she emailed me back. I've seriously applied for at least 10 or 12 different nanny positions this past week and I've gotten two replies.

Tomorrow I'm going to babysit at a church that my friend of mine gave my number to and next week I'll be helping out my chiropractor of all people with his child!

My mom is being a little crazy about me finding a job. For some reason she seems to be under the impression I'm not doing enough to get a job and that my not being interested in the law firm job is the worst thing in the world, but I really want to enjoy what I'm going to do. It's only been three days, too. Next week I plan to see if I can get on the list for substituting and if I can find out anymore information on civil service tests and jobs.

So I'm a little stressed and still overwhelmed, but I don't feel like I'm sinking, which has to be God. Two weeks ago I felt like I was drowning in school. Now, I'm not in school and unemployed, but I still feel secure in Him and our decision. He definitely helped me remember that this is the right choice when I opened up a book I'm slowly devouring called Lady in Waiting. Today I read about Ruth and how she fully trusted in God and didn't look back. She gave up everything she was comfortable with and trusted in God. I feel like that's me right now. I'm giving up my old life to start a new one, a new path. I've never been more terrified but I've also never felt closer to God. I have a peace that surpasses my understanding and I'm sure surpasses the understanding of my family and peers. I don't know what's going to happen yet, but I do know I have today and I'm going to do what God has told me to for today because as we read in Matthew 6, tomorrow will worry about tomorrow.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

"..it's like God's favor threw up on me."

Crazy doesn't quite begin to capture the description of today.

Firstly, I officially resigned from LSU today. Crazy, right?

Prepare to have your mind blown....

I started my day today knowing by the end of it I would either be officially withdrawn from LSU or at least the process would have been started and would be completed soon. I got up and decided to take advantage of the weather and walk to the bus stop to get to campus. When I got to campus, I went where I thought I was supposed to go, only to be directed to a different building, but before I made the walk to the education building (for that was my major) I went to my professor's office. See, I had emailed three of my six professors. These three professors new my name and face. I wasn't just another student to them. Each of them emailed me back and one of them asked to meet with me just to talk. So, I walked over to his office and waited for him to be done meeting with another person.

He finally arrived in the doorway and we went into his office where he offered some of the kindest words I have ever received from someone a step above a stranger. He told me he thought I was a genuinely good person with a good heart. He offered me wisdom only a professor and scholar could. He didn't really even say that much....but I haven't felt that secure in a person's presence that I didn't even really know. I don't really even know how to explain it other than he has inspired me to be a better person. He is one of those teachers you don't forget, and some how you know he won't forget you. So, we talked and he encouraged and told me I would always be welcomed in his office and I would be welcomed back(if I go back to school) with open arms.

After his encouraging words, I went by my good friend who runs a ministry on "free speech alley" at LSU. I walked up to him and the first thing he said was, "Have you had lunch? Wanna grab a bite?" We went up to a restaurant-esque style dining area and we talked for probably two hours. Just about life and my decision and everything in between. He prayed for me and told me I'm okay.... It was definitely reassuring that someone as wise as he is could look me straight in the eye and tell me I'm okay. Not I'm going to be okay, but that I am. He also brought to my attention how very vulnerable I am right now.

I've never been so vulnerable...well, I take that back. God did force me to be pretty vulnerable when I had knee surgery. But this is different, He was teaching me to rely on my parents and others then. This time, He's asking me to rely strictly on Him. I can really relate to Peter right now...when Jesus said for him to walk to Jesus on the water....I mean wow! It seems like He's asking the same of me right now.. "Maggie Mae, come out of the flagship and walk to me on the open seas (or perhaps the mighty Mississippi)!"

He's asking me to give Him all control. I've never been faced with something so difficult. I didn't realize how crazy of a control freak I am.

Anyway, totally got off track. After lunch, I went to the office of education and got the first of four signatures on my resignation form. I was told at the first office that I was going to receive a form that all my teachers would have to sign. When I got to the next building for the next signature, I found out I didn't need that form. I got a stamped signature and I was on to the next two.

It was only about an hour from when I walked into the first office to when I walked out the last with the form completed and turned in. Nothing went wrong. It was like Jesus walked me to every office, asked every question, and answered every question, too. It was over and He was reminding me that I was not given a spirit of timidity. That I am strong and courageous in Him. As I was getting some of my confidence handed to me, I ran into a friend who I don't see often, but boy did God intertwine our paths today!

I was going the same way as her class so we were walking and talking when I told her I had just resigned. She then told me that the law firm she works for is hiring for a full-time position. I was kind of stunned so I told her just to give her boss my number, but then as I boarded the bus, I realized I needed to be proactive if I wanted a chance at this job! So I texted her and got the number and will certainly be calling tomorrow.

Finally home for the day, I get another call for a babysitting job on Friday night and Saturday morning. God literally lined my path today...this week. I also have an interview with a couple for a nanny job tomorrow afternoon.

So....here I go...I feel like that's what I'm doing daily. I'm not just waiting anymore. My life seems to be changing and charging at something fullspeed ahead. I'm barely able to catch my breath as the train speeds into an oblivion.

Today....from my obedience, it's like God's favor threw up on me. If all these blessings came from this one act of obedience...I can't even imagine.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

Withdrawing, Not Dropping Out. Jumping out of the boat and into the water of ....well idk.

Dear Friends and Family,

I am withdrawing from LSU. Now before you get all judgmental and tell me I shouldn't, let me explain.

For the past two years I have failed classes, struggled to make a 2.0, and mostly I have been unhappy. Maybe it's just that I'm not mature enough for college right now or maybe I'm just not ready for school or maybe I'm not destined to be in school at all. Regardless, I am unhappy.

This decision has been long coming. Two years ago before I came to school, I was praying about. I was terrified of school and had no idea what to expect. As I prayed about it, I heard God say, "Two years." He didn't specify what "two years" meant, just that it was to be a major change. I honestly had no clue what it meant. I kept asking Him what was going to happen. Was I getting married? Was I going to drop-out? Was I going to transfer? What was going to happen?! So, I went on to school, always anticipating the second year.

I made it through my freshmen year, just barely, and went into my second year. When March of 2011 rolled around, I realized August was the end of two years. I started praying about it with still silence from Him. The only thing I could think about was withdrawing. I mean...there was no man in my life, there was no where I could think to transfer or a reason to transfer, and there was just nothing else, but I knew something was going to happen because God had promised it would.

After pondering and wondering and going crazy about it, I had a break down (completely unrelated to the wondering). I was stressed in school and I had a major break down. I remember being at home after talking with a friend about dropping out. I was sitting with my parents and I just started crying. I remember saying, "I didn't know it would be this hard...I don't know if I can do this." They told me I could withdraw if I wanted to. All summer they kept asking me what I was going to do and if I had made a decision yet. When July rolled around, still no opportunity presented itself and I figured that meant I needed to go back to school. I enrolled and set everything up just like I had done four times before.

It was the first time I really enjoyed every one of my teachers. I thought, "Wow this is great!" So I started the semester and right away started having trouble keeping up. There was so much work to do and I just felt like there weren't enough hours in the day. It didn't matter if I stayed up late or woke up early, I couldn't get it all done. I was stressing out and failing tests.

The week of midterms came (last week) and I was failing three out of my six classes and had a low C in one of them. I knew even if I did great on my midterms, the work wasn't going to go away and I would still be in the same place after midterms were over. Tuesday October 4, 2011 I had the biggest break down I have had since I have been in school. I didn't know who to call so I called my sister. She talked me through it and even prayed over me. She helped me realize that my identity wasn't found in school or grades. Come the following Saturday, I went home for a family event. I told my parents I wanted to withdraw and that "W's" were better than F's. They agreed and were very supportive. I am withdrawing, not dropping out. Dropping out is because of something bad. This isn't bad, it's just different.

This past week has consisted of more tears than I thought my body could possibly produce. This is the biggest decision I have ever made and I feel like the next big decision that might trump this decision is getting married. This is life changing and I couldn't be more terrified. I don't know what's going to happen next. I plan on getting a job. Right now I'm trying to land a full-time nanny job (not a live-in but a good 40hour a week job). At the same time, I might have to get creative and do a few temp jobs here and there to make it work, but I know God is faithful. This is what He wants me to do and, well, trusting is hard but necessary for any kind of growth.

So...here we go. I'm jumping out the boat and, just like Peter, I'm trusting God, focusing on Jesus. I know if I start sinking because I doubt for a second, He'll reach down and pull me back up.

My motto still stands true:

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

A Plea for Accountability (weightloss)

I need some encouragement.

Some how, over the past few months I have become fine with the way I look and my weight. I'm still SUPER unhealthy, and I just don't know how to get motivated.

So I'm asking you, my friends and accountability partners, please help me. Please don't take me out to eat. Please don't offer me bad food. If I ask, "Should I?" DON'T TELL ME I DESERVE IT! Please, don't tell me that.

Now, don't get me wrong, I haven't been doing horribly. I've kept most of the weight I lost last semester off but...well I need to lose a lot more.

Here's my first goal for this semester. 15lbs by Thanksgiving. It's do-able and I even have a countdown on my phone to help motivate me. 15lbs in 64 days. Help keep me accountable, please.

I was reading some of my past posts (by reading I mean the titles as I was editing some things) and saw one that stood out to me "Glorifying God with Every Pound." That kind of kicked me in the teeth, ya know? It's not good. It's not okay. I need to eat better. I need to exercise more. I need to worship God with my heart, mind, soul, AND body. I'm going to try this: waking up at 6am everyday during the week (Monday through Friday) and go for a walk or a bike or the gym. Anything really, just something to get me going. I think I can do it, but I need more self-discipline and I know God is just laughing and saying, "Well here's and idea, but you are the one with the final say on whether you do it or not. I love you." I can do this, but not alone.

I already have one BEAUTIFUL and WONDERFUL girlfriend helping me out. Walking every Monday together and when I feel bad about eating something or want to eat something bad, she's got my back with encouragement.

I'm too young to have all the problems I do. Back problems, knee problems, ankle problems, migraines, asthma, and other things. I seriously sound like a 90 year old woman! Even my chiropractor (who I wish I didn't have to go to) says I sound like an old woman. Not cool.

So, let's get this show on the road!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

PS..this post has so given me a new energy! Woop! God is GOOD!

We are NOTHING without Christ, it's really quite simple.

I don't know what has come over me but I feel as though I just have to get this out. God loves us! He loves me and you! No really, I'm serious. He does. And without Him, we are nothing. We have nothing to live for, to strive for. No actual goal of life do we have without Him. He gives us the reason to make it through the day and without Him, what does it matter at the end of the day?

I know some people will say that they actually live for their children or family or school or their job or something along those lines. But what if, just what if, you died. Right now, as you are reading this you suddenly have a heart attack and cannot go on living. What happens then? Isn't the ultimate point of life(not the meaning...well I think not the meaning) to have done something notable and worthy and to live for something with a goal in mind? If we all are to die, which we all will, that goal is kind of that last day, don't ya think? And what happens if the person who did not ambitiously pursue Christ with all they had? Won't they miss the goal? It's like soccer. You don't practice just kicking the ball and running around. The objective is to make a goal. If you don't have that extremely crucial relationship with Christ (John 14:6-7), YOU ARE GOING TO MISS THE GOAL. Literally, the ball (your life) will miss the net. It will not go in. You will not live in eternal bliss with our Father and Creator.

For those that think just kicking the ball around and practicing will get them somewhere in life, you're wrong. All you're doing is running around in circles instead of having an actual goal in life. Those that know that God exists because of being raised to think that or just because they know this life on Earth couldn't exist without having a higher being, don't you realize you will have to answer Him one day? Do you think just not doing all the wrong things will make you "good enough?"

The more I live and think about this subject, the more I am thoroughly convinced that God is real(to clarify, I am a follower of Christ, but as a human I do have my doubting days which cause days like this to be even more glorious!). My heart literally YEARNS for Him. I want Him with me, all the time. I want His joy to overlap my life. I want everything He has for me and sometimes I feel like I get ahead of myself. In fact, a very wise woman spoke with me last night about waiting for God's timing. His timing is everything! It really is. If anything is not in His timing, it is our own stupid and selfish timing. He will provide, we just have to wait. I can't even begin to tell you how unfaithful I have been to Him and how many times I have been adulterous, not in a literal sense, but just as much cheated on Him with some other idol.

Recently this idol has been men. I have so many worthy men in my life! Men who love Jesus with all their being and this is the most attractive thing to me! I feel bad having lead myself on and, likely, others on at times thinking it was "innocent" flirting because I was their "sister in Christ." It makes me want to cry, the dishonesty in that thought. There is no "innocent" flirting. Flirting is to attract. Attraction is to try and get a mate. And to get a mate is far more then I care to think about right now.

I don't even know what I've written here! Really, right now the adrenaline of the Spirit is beginning to relax some, though I still feel completely overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit that has so much wrapped Itself around my heart in this beautiful protective shield so that when the Enemy attacks me, as he has been, I feel convicted and loved and I know what's going on. I am beyond joyful and must restrain myself in public right now, which I am currently in.

Basically, God loves you. His goal as your Father is for you to live eternally with Him in Heaven. Let that goal come to! Put your goals aside and ask Him His goals for your life. I promise they will be much more fulfilling then you could ever imagine. We are NOTHING without Christ. It's really quite simple.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

Do I Care?

So as I leave my wonderful vacation with my family to come home, my mom and I had an interesting discussion. In regards to my health she asked me basically if I cared. Though nothing she said really made sense Ans she didn't have much of a point beyond do I care, that question has stuck with me.

I feel like I care but I'm worried, now, that I've confused being comfortable with the way I look and my weight with being apathetic. This is kind of scary for me since I'm going to be home for a couple of weeks.

See, home(my parent's house) is always where I become most lethargic and gain weight. I'm kind of thinking maybe ill go back earlier then I planned. Just thinking about being at home and being bored is making me wanna not be home....hmm.

Perhaps that feeling of anxiety answers my question of do I care. I guess I do. Now I just have to care enough to take the second step, not staying home long is certainly the first.

Let's pray that I can do that, take the second step and do more.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.
--Maggie Mae

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Habits

Yesterday I was more then just aggravated. I was super annoyed and frustrated. It probably had more to do with the fact that I'm at the beach and bored because it refuses to stop raining with the stupid tropical storm that's in the gulf....

So with all my time to think, I started thinking about my weightloss. I saw my sister for the first time since last Christmas and she looks awesome! I got jealous and continued to think about weightloss. Then I realized my mom always maintains her weight perfectly. Perhaps fluctuates that normal 1-2 lbs every now and then, but she really does a great job. I just realized that it's because even on vacation she walks. She never loses that momentum. Every morning after she eats breakfast or whatever she does, she walks for about an hour. No matter where we are, if she can walk, she does.

I've been maintaining for a good while and since I hit my 13lbs about 2 weeks ago. Now that I'm at the beach though, I'm like...not doing anything. At least when I was in Baton Rouge I was moving constantly even if it wasn't actual 30minutes of exercise. I need to develop something where my day can't even start if I haven't worked out....I know I can do it, but I have to get into the habit.

Anyway, I don't know the exact point of this blog...but I think I'm going to go for a bike ride, even if it's into the wind. I'm so bored! Ugh! Even the book I'm reading isn't keeping my attention. I think I need a good old pray bike. Just go with God and bike ride. Yeah...that's what I'm gonna do.

Later.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

I'm only 20.... (Chiropractor visit.)

Oh how stressful today was.

So, as many of you know, I have had back pain for some time now. I never understood why my back was so dang sensitive and why sometimes I could reach for something and be in pain for 3 days.

After the years of annoying aches and pains and trying to get any temporary relief I could from pain relievers, stretching, and cracking, I went to the chiropractor. He ran tests and took x-rays. The results were, kind of overwhelming to say the least.

In short...I have scoliosis (curvature of the spine, fortunately I don't need a brace or surgery), the first stage of osteoarthritis in my neck (which can be slowed down and helped), plenty of compressed nerves (most of my pain), and some bone spurs starting to develop along my neck where the osteoarthritis is beginning.

You can only imagine my joy upon hearing all of this. It was one thing to think I had scoliosis from a general exam when I was in middle school, it's another thing to hear it and be shown from the x-rays that that was true along with a multitude of other things. However, I am relieved because there was an actual reason for my pain. It wasn't just a "I'm sorry I don't know what's wrong with you" doctor visit, there's actual reasons and reasons mean you have problems and identifying those problems leads to discovering the solutions....right?

So basically I have started treatment, but I don't have all of the technical terms for the treatments so I'll update y'all when I know the actual terms over my terms which include "electrical shock treatment thing." Now that just doesn't sound ethical, does it?

Anyway, so far this news hasn't effected my movement or eating habits. It's just taken a tole on my mental well-being. I'm just...so overwhelmed right now. Hopefully the stress doesn't slow my metabolism or anything. Fortunately I have my family's support. Also I have my friends, whom I couldn't really tell today because I couldn't keep from crying.

Ugh...this is just sucky. Sorry this blog post is more of a venting thing where I can be hopeful one second and bitter the next.

Anyway, I won't bore you any longer, but please be praying for me. I'm only 20 years old. I'm not supposed to have these problems. These are "old people" problems. I'm just 20....that's the part that gets to me the most. I'm only 20...

I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

Questioning the Program...

So, I'm reconsidering this cleansing diet...

Here are my reasons:

I don't understand it completely. Even through trying to explain it over and over again to people, I don't get it. Like, I understand trying to give your liver a kick start, but the diet takes out all "allergen foods." Foods like milk, soy products, starches, and tons of other stuff.

Also, with the suggested intake of food, I'm eating less then 1200 calories a day which isn't healthy for women. Women should eat a MINIMUM of 1200 calories a day to provide them with sufficient nutrients and energy. I went to work (gardening) the other day and had to leave earlier than I had planned because I wasn't feeling quite right. I had only eaten about 800 calories that day and then tried heavy labor. While I had surpassed my recommended 8 cups of water that day, my calorie intake just wasn't enough.

Lastly, my roommate finds it strange. See, she is a food science major who's mother is a nutritionist. I tried to explain it to her and brought up my concern about not taking the supplements they recommend (you can actually order the whole cleanse package at their website for like $400). I don't have the money to buy supplements and what not so I'm not taking the probiotics and whatever else they recommend with each meal. She told me she is always hesitant to recommend or try things like this because they are trying to make money and they recommend eating less. She said that she's always interested in programs that offer you more eating rather then less since the programs, like this one, recommend eating less then the minimum you should consume daily.

So here's what I'm thinking I will do for the next 18 days. I will continue to drink mostly water and no caffeine or sodas. I will continue to eat 3 meals a day with 2 being a liquid meal. I will continue to eat things with less preservatives or none (i.e. more organic type things as my budget allows). Lastly, I will continue to not eat for 12 hours (8pm-8am).

I don't have food allergens so I don't see why this is a good thing for me to do. I will help out my liver as much as I can by drinking lots of water (which it doesn't have to convert into something else giving it more time to metabolize other things....says my brother/trainer) and by trying to eat things with less preservatives and more protein and fiber. So, for right now, I will continue with "MyFitnessPal" (the app on my phone) to keep track of my weight and what I eat.

Also, on as far as the spiritual cleanse is going, it's going. It's just so difficult for me to sit and have actual QUIET and non-distracted times with Jesus. Some how today I managed to focus a bit on praying. I've been super stressed about this upcoming fall and whether God was still calling me back to my college. I just didn't know. I kept telling people,"Well I need to pray more about it." I haven't been praying about it, so I finally did today. I asked God if I were to go back to school and I felt I should. So, I am publicly letting everyone who reads this know, I will return to school in the fall. What else that entails, I don't know yet. I'm praying more about my extra-curricular activities right now (and I'm actually trying to pray for them).

Oh, and on a more related note to the diet part, I am completely addicted to caffeine. Kind of sucks when you start a detox that says no caffeine.... But, fortunately, my withdrawal symptoms seem to be fading. The headaches are shorter and the energy last a little longer even without the help of my energizing friend.

So, there ya have it. Things are moving along just fine right now. Still trying to cleanse my body of nasty and trying to cleanse my spiritual life of the lazy.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

Detoxification!

Hello friends and family!

So, it seems as though I have hit a rather long plateau in my weightloss journey. I have lost a total of 11lbs since January and I am absolutely thrilled about that! But...now it's time to get back into it. So, I'm doing a detox.

I read about this 21day Clean Program Detox (cleanprogram.com) in a magazine my mother had. It seemed like a good way to kick this plateaus butt...so I started that today.

How it works...you eat 3 meals a day: Breakfast and Dinner are liquids meals, like soup or shakes or smoothies etc. Lunch is a solid meal, which, for me, will likely be lean cuisines...however I don't know that that's the best idea because it's processed, but I don't know what else to eat...spinach salad I guess? Anyway, it also says to snack on raw fruits, vegetables, and nuts. So, today I snacked on a few blueberries and cashews (recommended).

At the end of the day I'm thinking, "This is a breeze! I can certainly do 21 days of this!" Then I re-read the article. It came with the website I put earlier and suggested looking at it to check out the "include/exclude" list for the "elimination phase (first week)" of the detox. OH MY GOODNESS! So many of the things I absolutely LOVE eating everyday were on the exclude list. Things like milk and chocolate. Even strawberries and honey were on the list! So, it's actually much harder then I thought it was going to be. But I know I can do it, it's only 21 days (20 after today).

So, my detox is going to be a little more difficult then I knew, but fortunately the elimination phase is only one week, or I can make it longer, but I guess that will be decided next week.

But I want you to know that I'm not only doing a physical detox, I am also doing a spiritual detox. I will not get on facebook for 21 days and will try to practice spiritual disciplines more, like reading my Bible and actually trying in my devotional times to be devotional.

So, 21 days. 1lb a day (says this is what you'll lose, which we will wait to see). 21lbs. Let's see if I can do this! And I can because...

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

Pretty vs beauty

The other day as I was driving, I was reminded of a revelation I once had as a teenager.

I said to myself, "Ya know, I bet I'd be pretty if I were skinny/thin. Hmm, I wonder how crazy different I would look! Pretty...wow. I want to be pretty."

Recently, as in over the past year, I've realized "pretty" isn't exactly what I want to be. Pretty is dressed up. It's like the ugliest thing in the world could be dressed up and polished and it could be "pretty." Once, I even became bold enough to tell my boyfriend at the time how I took being called "pretty."

It happened one night when I decided to straighten my hair for church and when he came to my door, and I opened it he said in a semi-goofy voice to alleviate the awkwardness of the compliment, "You look so preeettyy." Instead of giving a hearty "Thanks" I responded to him with a loaded and obviously unsatisfied, "..thanks." He asked me sincerely what was wrong and I told him this, "Well, it's just...do you wanna know what I think of the term pretty?" He said he did and this is where I think my tone just tore him to pieces and killed every ounce of confidence he had in complimenting me that night. I said,"I think pretty is a down-graded version of beautiful." He didn't compliment me again for quite a long time after that.

So, about two weeks ago, I went to a play with one of my best friends. We saw "Shrek the Musical." If you ever have a chance, SEE IT! Really it's great. Anyway, one of the lines really hooked me. It made me think and really consider what I thought of "beauty" and "pretty." The line was as follows,

"Beautiful ain't always pretty."

The truth of that statement almost knocked me out of my seat. It seemed like God had reached down and poked my heart just a little bit when that line was said. Little did I know He would use that in my weightloss journey.

Now, yesterday at some point when I was driving, I remembered my "If I were skinny I'd be pretty" thought. Then it was like God spoke directly into my heart.

He said,"You are beautiful. Regardless of weight. You. Are. Beautiful. Perhaps yes, when you are thinner, you will be what the world deems 'pretty.' But no matter what you weigh, you will always be beautiful."

It's cool because my ideas about weightloss are now changing. Pretty isn't necessary, but beauty isn't optional. As a child of God and with Jesus as my Savior and with His light shining through me, it's as if I have no choice but to be beautiful. Pretty can come later...or tomorrow if I wear makeup and cute clothing, but every hour of everyday, Jesus makes me beautiful.

With that being said, I'm slightly more excited to do what God has called me to do. I feel slightly more encouraged and excited to lose weight. I mean, I'm just His temple which is already beautiful and making it pretty, right?

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

Giving Glory to God with Every Pound

It's been a while, and I finally decided to update.

So, for those of you that have attempted to keep up with my horrible blog skills, I'm sincerely sorry. I haven't given up on my weight loss, I just haven't been blogging about it.

I'd like for you to know a few things.

1- I reached my first goal of losing 10lbs on May 6, 2011. I've been rather consistent about keeping it off and I am slowly losing more weight. My habits are changing slowly and I think this is the best way for me to lose the weight.

2- Also, my terms of why I'm losing weight have kind of changed. See, my friend started to lose weight a few months after me. She weighed a good 40lbs more then me and began to shed it quickly. I was jealous at first of her success. I didn't understand why she could do so well and I was plateauing every other week. She helped me to realize that she knew it wasn't about her. Her body is not her own. Her body is God's body, His temple. I didn't want to think about that very much at first. It made me mad to think that my body wasn't my own and that I couldn't actually get to the goals I wanted to on my own. It took me a lot of sweat and tears to realize, she was right. I needed to ask God for help. So I finally did. He gave me peace about it. Slowly but surely I have been losing weight. I officially weigh ten pounds less then I did when I started this journey back in January. All the Glory goes to God, but with a big thanks to my friend, my brother, and the rest of my support group.

3- I feel like I have no choice but to lose weight this summer. See, I'm doing an internship for my church this summer with 4 other people. The 3 other girls and a few of the staff members at the church are in a "biggest loser" contest. Every day, I am constantly reminded to watch what I eat, record my calories, and try to exercise. It's been really great. The only problem is remembering to bring my food with me to church every day. There are certainly plenty of great restaurants around that I love to eat at when I'm at church, but if I bring my lunch, I know what I'm eating and I don't spend money, both of which are extremely important at this point. Also, with the internship, I'm moving a little more. I'm not just at home with the cabinet full of snacks (not even unhealthy snacks, just unlimited) and the TV to remind me of food.

4- I have a job. =) In fact, it's probably the best job I could ask for when trying to lose weight. I am gardening and doing yard work for a lady that goes to the church I attended this past semester. So far I haven't been able to work for more than an hour at a time but that was because I was digging a trench for a weed barrier about 20ft long. I don't know if you can picture that, but I'm basically doing a "axe swing down" motion.... I don't even know if that makes sense, but it's what I did for two hours (different days) this week. Altogether I probably dug 40ft of ground up. It was intense. Fortunately I've got 'em dug and now i can continue to other parts of my job. I don't know what that entails yet (haha).

So right now, things seem to be going in the direction I need them to. I seriously just know that this hasn't been possible without God. He really is my strength. If you don't have that relationship with Jesus Christ that the Bible talks about (John 14:6-8), please ask me about it. I can give you so many examples of how He has been faithful in my life. I have stories you can't simply explain away. I hope that through my weightloss journey I can glorify Him above myself.

Oh, and one last random thing, I passed all my classes this past semester. I got a 2.75GPA which brings me to a 2.7cum GPA (I think). I'm super excited because I didn't know what God wanted me to do with next semester and I knew that He would either open a door, or close it. Literally 2 of my classes could have gone either way. I had no idea what would happen, but I knew if I failed any of my classes, I would probably take next year off. I don't know what I would do, God would have to provide a job or something (which, if I was supposed to be in school, I doubt He would..anyway that's a blog for another day).

Anyway, I'm super excited about my new body and the changes I'm enduring. This is a little strange but it's a very tangible way that my body has changed over the past month. My period came early this cycle. The reason this is strange is because I'm on birth control in order to help my period as it is more than moderately bad but less then extremely bad. Enough that birth control is how I control it. I can't say whether this change is an indication that this is a good change or a bad change, but regardless my body is telling me it's changing.

So, I leave you with this: God is faithful, I'm doing well, and please pray that I can continue to give God the control.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

No More Mr. Nice Guy

Hello friends!

I know it's been quite some time since my last posting. School has been incredibly hectic so remembering to post has been, difficult, to say the least.

To begin with, the diet my brother recommended to me works! It really works. Thing is, he told me about it, I lost 3lbs, and then went home for Mardi Gras. Home is never a good place for me to be when I'm trying to lose weight. My mom, bless her heart, would much rather serve pleasing food then healthy food. She says everything she serves is low fat and low calorie, and I'm sure much of it is, but when it's vacation time, we go out to eat a lot and I don't get to exercise like normal. So I gained 2lbs when I was home and only haven't lost any since.

I know that it's my eating that I need to do better at because exercising isn't a problem at all. I love exercising. I've even been doing stuff outside of the gym like kayaking and lots of yard work. Some people might argue that yard work isn't exercise, but it is. The bending, the pulling, the lifting, the moving, the this the that, yeah it gets intense. Not to mention I'm sore the next day from it. I even pulled a muscle in my side! Good thing because I didn't even know I had a muscle there....

I've been doing really well(mostly) eating. I've been counting the calories and what not, but I did go out to eat a few times this week. Once I went to Wendy's even...it wasn't good. So, hopefully this next week will be ten times better! More working out, riding my bike around campus instead of taking the bus, bringing my lunch, forcing myself home for dinner, and not going to fast food restaurants.

So, please pray I can do this. I know I can and I want to. I even have a friend that asked for my help with her own weight! I was so honored! So, I'm aiming for 10lbs before spring break which is April 18. I know I can do it, but I'm going to need help from all my friends.

In the nicest way possible, I ask you not to ask me to eat out with you. Picnics are one thing, but I have to prepare my own food. Also, please don't hesitate to discourage me from eating unhealthy stuff. If you see me at the coffee shop eying something sweet and wondering aloud if I should eat it, say no! Don't encourage me to get dessert at places. I don't deserve it and I shouldn't be able to "treat" myself. I've treated myself for too long.

Thanks y'all! You've really been great!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

Confidence/Mardi Gras

It's amazing what this journey has done for my confidence and self-esteem!

I may have(as far as I know) have only lost 5lbs, but I have gotten so much more confidence and self-esteem. For instance, today I saw one of m friends that I haven't seen in quite a few many months. she was doing my hair and we were talking about how she should style it when she was done. I mentioned working out and she was like, "Oh yeah! I meant to tell you you look good! Have you lost weight?" Those are like music to my ears! Better yet, I love being able to answer with a "Yes." It's probably the most satisfying thing ever.

This week has been pretty great eating wise. Everything has been planned out because of my new routine. I don't have to worry about cooking things or measuring things out and accounting for every calorie.

Exercising has been a little more difficult this week. See, Louisiana weather bites. The winters are like freezing one day and in the 70's the next day. Not good for people with arthritis. When it goes from hot to cold in a few hours, some how it makes the pain terrible. I'm sure it has to do with the pressure in the air because I can also tell when a storm is coming from the pressure changes.....It's like my joints are psychic... (mean girls reference). So I only did cardio stuff this week because of my knees just being jerks.

---the above was written last friday, i havent been able to finish it til today so...things have been different--

So this weekend I went home for Mardi Gras. Needless to say, it was fun, but unhealthy too. I didn't even bother trying much. It really was just...not good. It wasn't horrible, but it was bad. I won't even try to go about what I ate. So, today is my last day at home which means I will definitely be doing MUCH better from here on out.

On a good note, I found out that my brother's food thing for me is working. I weighed myself this past Saturday out of curiosity and I had lost 3lbs! It was really encouraging, but I don't know how much I gained back over this weekend....(I know it's wednesday, but I don't have school til tomorrow, so it's just like the weekend for me.) So, I'll be doing some extra cardio this week before the weekend and I won't be weighing in this weekend since I did it last week.

Well, pray that I can get back on track when I get back home!

I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

Weather Change

Most people love when the weather goes from hot to cold. I used to love that changes too, until I had knee problems. Now when the weather changes, my knees hurt, especially my right one.

Its strange because its like I'm physically hurt and need more rest. It sucks. I wake up in the mornings expecting to have gotten the rest I need and when I take that first step I'm in pain. Everything is extra stiff and stairs hurt worse then usual. It makes going to the gym way harder. It makes doing the entire work out harder. I'm in pain and tired because my body is freaking out on me.

Please pray my arthritis subsides for at least a little while so I can finish my work outs this week.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.
--Maggie Mae

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More Time To Come

I don't know why but I just can't seem to wake up!

Other than that, today was a good day. I only messed up once and ate a piece(a small one) of lemon pound cake. Also, instead of eating the fruit or a granola bar, I opted for one of my 100 calorie lowfat yogurts. Gets me my chocolate fix and sweet tooth soothed.

Literally, that and the meals I had were what I ate today. Oatmeal, turkey sandwich, and a lean cuisine. I have coffee also, but it wasn't sweetened and had skim milk in it. And they were iced which makes them burn calories faster, right? Well, sort of. I mean, you burn more calories drinking iced water then room temp, so maybe the same thing applies to iced coffee verses hot? Regardless their the same calorie wise.

So, tomorrow I shall be heading to the gym at some point. I just don't know exactly when yet. Might go after bible study again like I did a few weeks ago. Wednesdays will be taking over Tuesday workouts after this week since I'm not working anymore. Yes, I had to temporarily quit since I'm doing poorly in school. But it's all good because this gives me more time to do homework, work out, and get other stuff around the house done. I can't wait to have more time!

Well, that's all for now.

Pray I can have self-control and not mess up at all for the next few weeks!!! I know I can do this, but I need help.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

Rome wasn't Built in a Day

First, my apologies. I have been neglecting my posting. There are reasons behind that, however. My computer broke. I have been without the easy ability to post for almost two weeks. I just recently got a new computer which I am now posting on. I didn't post from my phone because it's super annoying to post long posts when you have a two inch long keyboard.

Now, yesterday was the weigh-in. It didn't make me happy exactly for the numbers hadn't changed since the last weigh-in. This wasn't entirely surprising but I obviously am needing that kick in the butt that only my brother with his fierceness can provide. Yesterday we rode home together to visit are parents. On the way he asked about my weight and the change in it or lack there of. With telling him what I found out that morning, he has decided to tell me that he wants me to eat a particular diet. Not just trying to eat less sweets and calories, but as in he gave me an exact meal plan. Here's what he told me to eat everyday:

Breakfast- Oatmeal and 1c milk

Snack- granola bar of my choice

Lunch- lean turkey sandwich on wheat bread (and a slice of cheese if i choose)

Snack- fruit(apple or orange)

Dinner- Lean cuisine with a slice of wheat bread

Snack- 1tbsp of peanut butter

and 1c of milk after workouts instead of two.

He also changed my workout to 8 intervals on the elliptical instead of 5. I've already started these and wow is it a change! I am not slightly damp from the workout after but I am now completely drenched! It's a great feeling. As weird as it is, I feel like the more I sweat the better I worked out.

Also, this past week I couldn't do any upper body workouts seeing that I pulled a muscle in my shoulder/chest area. Wasn't too great. But I did start leg-pressing a lot more weight than before. I am now pressing 220lbs. It's crazy! Along with that, I can't remember if I said yet or not, but I started doing different upper body stuff. I don't know all the exact names but I pull down on one and pull up on another and push up(ish) on the other one. My arms are so weak! I'm really hoping that these workouts can help my arms get some muscle they desperately need.

As far as eating has been concerned the past few weeks, it's been rocky. The last time I weighed in, I had been eating really poorly which is why I gained weight. This time was better, but I hadn't been getting to the gym 3x's a week. This is all about to change. I AM going to go to the gym 3x's this week and I AM going to eat what my brother has told me(at least for a couple weeks to see what happens).

The way I see myself eating right now is more along the lines of I've already lost the weight. I can't look at it that way. I still haven't lost the weight. I still have to be diligent. I have to be consistent.

In short, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Pulling my grades up and getting TOPS back was simple in comparison. Learning to drive, getting through high school, suffering breakups were all simple in comparison. This is literally the hardest thing I have ever been faced with in my life. I have to keep telling myself that I didn't become overweight over night and I'm not going to lose it all over night either. Just this thought makes me anxious. Living in an instant gratification world, the thought that this is going to take longer than I ever wanted it to, but it has to be done. One thing my brother said yesterday was, "Might as well get this over now early in your life rather than waiting."

So, let's do this thing. I'm going to continue to climb this Everest of mine. Now that I have computer, I can post more. The encouragement y'all gave me in the beginning when I was on track and posting a lot helped me so much. I really appreciated that.

Please please please pray with me that I can exercise my self control and that I can climb this mountain and conquer it.

I CAN do all things in Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I CAN.

--Maggie Mae

Good Reports

I know, it's been a while, but my laptop broke so my ability to post frequently isn't there.

But I have good news, I'd say I've been eating very well this week. Much better than the last two. There's not even anything that stands out in my mind that was so horrible I'd have to report it. That makes me smile. =)

More good news, now that the weather is nicer, I'm riding my bike around campus to get from class to class and to my car instead of taking the bus. Also, my workouts are increasing in intensity. My brother came with me to one of my workouts this week and basically changed everything. I'm now doing 200lbs + on the leg press lying down rather than the easier more inclined position, I'm doing back to back arms with the pull down and a pull up machine, and he changed one machine to a different one that works you out better. The only thing that stayed the same was cardio(which he still increased on the crossramp of the elliptical) and the hamstring curls. This improved workout makes me super sore! My arms are like jelly for days and my knees are tired and so is everything else in between. It's good though, really good.

I really like riding my bike now. Its slowly getting easier but I'm still no where close to where I should be.

Well, I think that about does it!!! You're all caught up. I'll try to post again tomorrow if I can get to a computer. I'm on my phone right now.

Please pray that my weight decreases and I decrease in size and increase in self-esteem and confidence!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.
--Maggie Mae

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Expected

Well, I gained 1.6 lbs, which over 2 weeks isn't horrible. Especially since I know I was eating badly.

So, I'm going to do better. Just a little trip up. Time to get up and brush myself off and keep going!

Alrighty, I'll post again later today. Just wanted to update y'all.

Pray for self control and the ability to remember that saying no is a good thing when it comes to eating healthy!

I can do a things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.
--Maggie Mae

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Nerves

Its been two weeks which means tomorrow is weigh-in. I'm nervous because I know I ate poorly the past two weeks. Yesterday I did great, today was okay. I'm just trying to not get discouraged. My workouts are still consistent and I'm doing better with eating than last week so we'll just have to wait and see....

Pray I've lost a good amount and that I not be discouraged if I didn't.

Good night!
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.
--Maggie Mae

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Good Day =)

After some encouraging chastisement by my brother this morning because of how I've been eating, it's been a good day, I'd say.

Woke up on time, ate a good oatmeal breakfast with milk, coffee, class, workout(oh and it was a good one!), lunch, and then work.

My workout was so good because I realized I have to up the resistance level on my intervals on the elliptical! That's a sign of me getting in better shape! My heart rate is kind of plateauing at 175-180 and it's harder to get it up, which simply means I'm getting healthier! It's pretty exciting for me if you ask me....=)

Also, I didn't eat anything super-duper unhealthy today. The only thing that could be considered unhealthy(barely) is the kettle corn I ate. Kettle corn, for those of you that don't know, is popcorn that's just a little sweeter. It's popped from a different type of corn or something. Then again I could be wrong and they sweeten it at the factory. Regardless, it's 130 calories for a cup. I don't know if you've ever measured a cup of popcorn, but it's quite a bit. So after dinner, I ate that. It was a good sweet-tooth satisfier and a good dessert.

Also, I drank lots of water today. Which is good even when you're not trying to lose weight.

Pray I can get some more self control and discipline in my life!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

Recalculating

I've noticed that without posting at least once everyday, I do not so great with my nutrition. I still workout 3 days a week, but I'm learning it doesn't have to be the same three days every week. I can vary it as long as it's 3 days and being every other day with a 2 day rest some where.

So, to fix this problem, since I ate absolutely horribly today, I am going to post(or at least do my absolute best) everyday. Even if it's just a "I did really good and didn't eat that snack." I have to do this. I'm realizing this is my accountability and that without it, the weightloss won't be as big or as satisfying. I simply need to do this. That simple.

That brings me to confession time. Today I ate a plain bagel, potato chips, and brownies. I don't want to even think about how many calories I consumed today. Yesterday I ate cookies and a half a brownie. The day before that(slightly justified by my workout) I ate pizza.

That's only the last few days. The past week has just been bad for me. I still am exercising so I know that my accountability doesn't effect that. But man do I need to post about my food struggles! It's weird, but if I know I have to post about it later, the fear of disappointing a bunch of people is there and so it's easier to say no.

The workout I just mentioned that justified the pizza was a biking experience. My brother and I went to Tunica Hills to go biking. It was extremely hilly and very difficult for me. The weird thing is, I'm thinking of going back. My butt hurt like crazy the next day, but it was worth it. I'd like to get strong enough to go up most of the hills actually on my bike and not walking my bike up them(which was still a test). It was a great thing to do on a nice Sunday afternoon and even though it was painful, I want to go again. My second helping of pizza was also justified in the fact that my brother offered it AND ordered it. I mean, if the trainer says it's okay, who am I to argue?

Alright, that's all the time I have right now. I need to get in bed so I can be rested for my long day of school, workout, and work tomorrow!

Pray I can keep up my accountability and that I can make better choices in the future and say no even if the bagel came with the salad.....

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

First week of February

This week was a rough one indeed. I just didn't eat as well as I should have. I knew I wasn't eating completely well, but I slipped back into the mindset of, "Well, I've already messed up so I guess it doesn't matter," or "I'll just have one...." Leading me to eat a lot of sugary treats and things I normally would have denied instantly. Granted, I still don't think it was anything close to before I started this. I did eventually catch a break and stopped myself before consuming bad foods.

I'm trying to think of something that could have triggered it and the only thing I can come up with is it was my "time" of the month. All of my hormones and cravings were in full swing and my sweet tooth monster comes out to attack. But I'm doing much better right now.

So here comes another change! I will no longer be working out on Thursdays, but on Fridays after my class gets out. My class ends at 10:30 and I will likely spend some time with a friend for a bit after as she's in the same spot every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday 10:30-11:30. So, if you can come with, great!

I feel like my schedule is constantly getting busier! Lots and lots of homework to do! That's the main reason for not posting much at all this week. The time I do have not doing homework, being in class, or working is spent watching "Desperate Housewives" or sleeping.

Well, I better get back to work! Look out for some more posts later in the week. And next Saturday I will be weighing-in for the first time in two weeks!

Pray I can keep the Sweet Tooth Monster(STM) at bay this week and that everything I need to get done gets done!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

Overview of this Week

After my scare of "no weightloss" on Saturday, I weighed myself again on Sunday just for kicks. It said I had lost 1.2 lbs. Much better than .2lbs. Just goes to show that weighing every 2 weeks is a better idea.

This weekend I can very happily say I did pretty well! I went to a party where I had a cookie and a brownie. That was it. No birthday cake, no soda, no nothing. With that, I even danced a lot! Which upped my cardio levels a lot. When workout time came around Sunday, I decided to just do the cardio because I was so tired and sore. It was good, but I'm still really tired.

Bad news, last night I was at the coffee shop I volunteer at and I caved. I ended up eating like 3 of these heavenly coconut, pecan, chocolate sugary goodness things. I just couldn't help myself! It was bad and I felt bad after it. I had denied the Chinese food my friends had offered me and then caved over the dessert. Ugh!

Aside from that, today I woke up and went to workout with one of my friends and it was great(which we will be doing every Tuesday at 8:30 if you wanna join)! I really got into my leg presses and put the weight on 180. A new thing I'm doing and becoming very conscious of is consuming more protein! My brother says that protein after a workout is really good for you because it'll help rebuild your muscles faster or something. So he told me to drink 2cups of milk after each workout. That's about 180 calories with 18 grams of protein plus the milk I had with breakfast and whatever other protein I got from breakfast. Protein's apparently really good for you. Back to the milk though, he said that when you drink it after you replenish some of your nutrients you lost right away and something about calcium making your metabolism better...? I don't remember exactly what he said but I know milk is good for you to have after working out. =)

On a side note, my sleep was off this weekend and it's carried over into this week. The school year is just getting into full swing and I'm just realizing how much work I really have! It's gonna be crazy and I'm really going to have to stay on top of things. I really need to be in bed by like 10-1030 at the latest. Getting enough sleep also will help with weightloss, so I've heard.

Well, pray I can stay on top of things and don't "fall into temptation" again.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

Two Weeks

So I am officially changing my weigh-ins to every OTHER week rather than every week.

See I talked to my brother/trainer today and he gave me a lot to think about. First and foremost, you're basically guaranteed to lose weight if you do everything right. Thing is, your body needs that chance to adjust things. So every week you might not lose a ton of weight even if the week before you did. Like, if you did something slightly different that week in your routine, your body takes a little while to metabolize the change and adjust and all that stuff. So for me, I went off my routine of eating about every two hours and didn't eat regularly a few days this week. I also started to drink more coffee and more water so it is possible my body is retaining fluids more than normal or the caffeine confused my metabolism or my metabolism slowed on those irregular days.

Another thing is if you weigh your self every two weeks, then the loss will likely be bigger and thus more encouraging and exciting for me. There is a huge psychological aspect to losing weight. Like yesterday, when I stepped into that size 18 dress and it zipped, my self-esteem sored through the roof! I couldn't wait to lose more weight. Yet, when I stepped on the scale today and saw the tiny loss, I was discouraged and wanted to just throw in the towel because I didn't think I would lose more or that my body had decided it would remain this way forever. So, next weigh-in is scheduled for two weeks from now. So February the 12 I will be giving you an update on weight and will still be posting about my struggles and my successes in between.

Okie doke!

Pray with me that I can remain motivated and can lose lots more weight in the next two weeks!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

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Confused

It's Saturday and you all know what that means. Weigh-in day.

I woke up earlier than I wanted thanks to my cat. So I figured why not get up and step on the scale! So I did. I lost .2 lbs. Needless to say I'm not thrilled. I'm trying to tell myself well it happened like this the first week when I only lost .8 lbs and then lost 4.8 lbs. I mean it definitely seems like I should have lost more. People are even starting to notice a little. I even went through my food journal and seriously did great. Maybe it's too much coffee. I mean obviously I'm going to ask big brother about it. I just really don't get it. Maybe it's all the water I'm drinking.

On a higher note, I'm a dress size down! Which also doesn't add up with the .2lb weightloss, but whatever! In December when I tried on a dress I have to wear for a wedding, I was going to need to order a size 20. Yesterday I zipped into a size 18!!!! I was sooooo excited! Really, I feel great and just don't get that scale. I might go to the gym and step on their very accurate-seming one. That's how much it's bothering me.

Maybe my brother's right and I should weigh myself every two weeks just so I can be happier with the results. Well I guess we shall see.

Okay so pray that I don't get too discouraged from the little loss and that I can continue to lose weight and no matter what NOT gain it.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.
--Maggie Mae

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Anxious

So it's Friday!

I'm really excited it's the weekend. No school, a little work, and relaxation.

Since it's Friday, tomorrow is Saturday which means weigh-in day. I don't know why but I'm always super nervous about weighing myself. I have this ridiculous doubt that I'm going to have gained weight or not have lost any. I mean, I had another dream that I had lost more weight and that should encourage me but it just doesn't. I mean, my dreams haven't been wrong yet...I should trust my sub-conscious. I mean, I know I haven't eaten badly, minus one day when I went over my maximum intake by 100calories. Other than that, I have had barely any chocolate or bad things to eat. I just wish I could believe I had lost weight. Guess the scale shall tell all tomorrow!

So, something new that happened this week, one of my friends and I have decided to go to the gym early in the mornings on Tuesdays. See, I've been going to my gym after I'd get out of class on Tuesdays around 3:30. However, this time is the worst time to go because everyone and their grandmaw are there at 3:30! Seriously, it took me 30 minutes to park this past Tuesday and I had to cut my workout short because the machines I needed were being used. I did get to do my cardio and a little extra, at that. So I'm hoping that didn't hinder my workout or weightloss too much. And she wants the accountability for going to the gym for at least an hour. See she's going to try-out for this rocking dance team and is trying to "get her thighs to not touch." Hahaha! So it'll be good for both of us to have that accountability on Tuesdays. I'll just have to shower before class at the gym.

Hopefully my anxieties will be put to rest tomorrow morning. My dream was that I had lost like 10lbs or something? Which I doubt, but hopefully another 4. =)

So, pray that I won't give into my temptations and that I can rest assured that as long as I continue to eat right and exercise, I will lose weight and it will be good.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

changing

So I gotta say I'm pretty excited right now.

One, I feel fantastic! My endorphins are flowing full speed and all the toxins are out of my body. Basically I had a great workout. Definitely need to get to an asthma specialist because my chest got really tight today even with the inhaler I have.

Two, I'm noticing my body changing. Its the weirdest and best thing ever! Like, I notice that a shirt doesn't quite outline every buldge anymore. Or that those annoying bulsges around my body are looking smaller. Even more exciting, my bras fit better! Guys, you might wanna skip the rest of this paragraph. So I've had high breasts all my life and they've always kind of overflowed. Well, they're fitting better into their cups! I don't have to adjust or feel like I need to constantly watch them right now. If you know me well, you understand why this is so great for me. Men, and women, tend to notice and its annoying when I go to order food and I have to repeat my order because the guy behind the cash register was too distracted by my breasts! Its humiliating. Now as they're getting smaller because of my weightloss, I can start being treated more like everyone else and give my order once. And I'll also be able to buy clothes easier. With big boobs, it's really hard to get tops that aren't too low and require a cami with them. My mom tries so hard to buy me things I don't have to layer with, but its really hard.

Anyway, so its cool seeing my body morph into a smaller me. Even more than just seeing it, I'm feeling it. I have more energy, I'm hungrier(which shows my metabolism is up) and I sleep better at night! Everything is going great.

One last thing about this new lifestyle I love, is the fact that its just that. A lifestyle. I won't be as tired for the rest of my life, I'll he able to help others make more informed choices about working out and eating, and my children won't have a fat mommy. I always worried about my kids seeing me fat and following in my footsteps. I want my family to eat healthy and exercise as a family. It just sounds fun to me.

Well, there you have it! I'm doing well and in two days we'll see the results of this week's work.

Pray this mindset continues and that this new lifestyle will help with stress as it comes.

I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.
--Maggie Mae

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It's Like My own Series!

So you know those TV shows on MTV that I had mentioned where the girls were only a bit bigger than I and how they always seem to lose tons of weight in like 3 months? Well, I'm starting to feel like them, just with out the TV cameras and stuff. Like literally, I was thinking the only reason they actually lose weight so quickly and stuff is because they're on TV and they have to or whatever.

Well, I kind of feel like them now. I have tons of people constantly telling me about how they read this and how people are proud and stuff. IT's really great. I'm so excited to have so many people supporting me!

Anyway, so I'm a bit sore today, which is good. Really good. I've been trying to make myself sore every workout but it hasn't been happening. I just couldn't get sore! Today though, my armpits and legs are relatively sore. It's a really great feeling. It makes me feel like I'm actually doing something right.

Something else super exciting, I'm not as tired after working out as I was the first few times. I can catch my breath a little fast and my heart beat tends to slow a little more after quicker. It's pretty cool. I also remember that when I did my first or second interval training on the elliptical my heart rate sky-rocketed to 216 for a bit. Now the highest I can get it is around 190. Which is still pretty high, but it shows that my body is getting in better shape.

I still need to go to the doctor to find out what I need to do about my asthma. Yesterday, as I went into my first interval session, I felt my chest tighten and I thought I might have to get off. I decided to just push through and see what would happen since I could still breathe decently. I got my breathing back in order and my chest wasn't really tight anymore. I think I just need something like an inhaler to take before and after workouts or whatever. We'll see.

So, my week is starting out well. I still have a few things I need to get done, like ordering one more textbook and trying to figure out where my other one is and why it hasn't arrived and get my phone fixed. But all is seemingly well.

Pray for my consistency with working out to continue because its starting to get hard to keep it up.

I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

It's Saturday

So, the last time I weighed myself was 6days ago. And today I weigh 4.8lbs LESS! Making it a total loss so far of 5.6 lbs.

I'm super excited! Not to mention proud and thankful all at the same time.

I can't wait to see what will happen this next week.

So if you're just tuning in and curious as to what on earth helped me lose that weight. Well, you see I have been eating much less food. Like between 1500-1700 calories a day. I've been diligent about exercising with weight training and interval cardio training. I've been posting a blog to help with my accountability. And lastly, I rely fully on God. He is the only thing that gets me through each day and with prayers like,"Lord, help my metabolism speed up," I have lost a good amount of weight in a small period of time. Also wanna give a shout out to my brother for being the most awesome personal trainer ever! He always gets on my case about eating unhealthy foods and helps direct me in a more healthy way and he's giving me other options and being there basically 24/7 for my questions and with his answers.

I'd also like to thank the people that continue to pray for and support me. My parents, sister, brother, and all the friends that I have that randomly come to me and say,"Oh hey! I've been reading your blog. Keep it up!"

So, now I'm at work and writing this because it finally slowed down. I honestly do really know what else to put up here today. I mean, the big news has been said. Yep, that's all I got for right now.

Pray that this weightloss continues and next week I lose a great amount as well!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae =)

A Chance to Breathe...sorta

So this week has been crazy busy, but that's when I tend to stick to my healthy living ways better(let's not call it dieting....dieting is temporary. healthy living is always). I haven't had time to ponder over just wanting food because I'm bored because I haven't been bored! It's been a really good week. And right now I have a small and short chance to breathe a little, even though I have no chance tomorrow through next week to breathe any more....ha.

I'm nervous about weighing-in tomorrow simply because I am. I know I've done well this week as far as keeping up with exercising, writing down every little thing I ingest, and not eating typically fattening foods. I just am anxious to see the results, I guess.

I had a dream the other night though that was kind of encouraging. I dreamed I had lost like 40lbs! I stepped on the scale like ten times to make sure in my dream. And as weird as it is, when I have dreams like that about my weight, they're normally true. Like one time I dreamed I gained 1lb. The next day I weighed, and I did. One time I dreamed I lost 2lbs. Same thing. I know I didn't lose 40lbs this week, but I had to have lost something!

On another note, my "trainer" got mad at me today. We went to Outback to eat and I ended up being honest and telling him I had "treated" myself to a low-fat how mocha from McDonald's. He got mad because of all the sugar and "empty" calories I had just put in my body that probably got processed right away and stored as fat. I guess I really shouldn't think of eating unhealthy things as "treating myself" because I'm really hurting myself in the long run. Hmm, that's definitely an interesting thought. Let's see if that works for this next week!

Well, keep posted for the weigh-in. Pray I lost weight and that my anxiety is for naught.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

WOAH Bessy!

Weird title I know. But it just kind of describes how I'm feel at this exact moment in time.

So while my hours for school may not be many this semester, the 13 I am taking have me doing crazy amounts of work! I know stress doesn't always help in losing weight, but I feel like I'm gonna be so super busy that I wont have time to snack on the "unmentionables." Good thing I realized today is that working out is now a priority for me. It's really cool. Like today I knew I was gonna have to either kill myself trying to fit in a workout and a shower before leadership or go before my class. I went before. It was kind of nice because there were less people there than in the afternoons.

Anyway, working out is going really well. I was sore yesterday and tweeked one of my muscles in a painful way but it went away by the time I got to the gym, which I was going to regardless of comfort level. Don't worry though, I know my limits and won't be hurting myself.

After my workout today I knew I wouldn't have time to make lunch and shower and catch the bus. So in our gym there's a smoothie king. I thought I would just get a "trim down" smoothie and I'd be in the clear. Well I texted my brother to ask if they were okay for a meal and to my amazement he said no way! Apparently their Smoothies are more than milk and fruit. He said there was tons of sugar in them and they're really high calorie. I knew the calorie thing but almost didn't believe his sugar thing. So I looked it up. A 20oz muscle punch has 366 calories, 84 carbs, and 75 sugars!!! I was like woah! Seriously! That's ridiculous! So I drank my smoothie but its likely I with never order another. Next time I'm running short on time, I'll be hitting up mc's for a salad. Cheap and better for you.

Well there's my life right now. ..plus work. Luckily I can do schoolwork while at work. Makes it loads easier!

Alrighty, so I ask you to pray that I can keep my center Jesus, remain committed to my commitments, and live through the semester!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does so I can.
--Maggie Mae

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Schedules, disclaimers, and balancing acts!

I'm trying to remember if anything remarkable or worth mentioning happened today.

Well, I had a productive day to say the least. Did a photo-shoot (that's right, I'm a model in the making ;] ), cleaned and organized my room, and am ready for school to start tomorrow!

It was an okay day food-wise. I did fail at passing up the snack of Zaps chips (my very favorite type of potato chip) while watching TV. However, it was only a serving so I guess it wasn't a total failure. I made my lunch and went on a picnic with a dear friend and then made a not-so-healthy dinner. It was basically just a spanish rice mix. It wasn't horrible calorie wise but it definitely wasn't healthy. Tomorrow I'm making a nice chicken dish for me and two wonderful women I'll be leading a bible study with this semester. (If you wanna come along we'll be having it Tuesdays 7-9 at my place! Email, call, or text for more info =] )

Now, I want you to be aware, it is very possible and all the more likely that I will be missing posts more often now that school is starting. My days are long and filled, but if I get a spare minute I'll give an update. Weight will still be updated weekly for sure. So if the posts become more scarce, you can count on that one on Saturdays. Definitely going to try hard to get one up here at least once a day. It helps me to know that I have accountability and that I'll have to be honest at the end of the day with the people who read this blog.

One last thing, while planning my days for the semester, I have finalized my workout schedule for those that were thinking about working out with me. Here are my days and times:

Sundays 3-4, Tuesdays 3:30-4:30, and Thursdays 10:30-11:30 or 3:30-4:30. If you can come with me great! If you can commit and come every week, awesome. If you can come once in a blue-moon that's awesome too!

I'm excited about this semester. It's super busy and there's a lot going on, but I know God's in all of it and that just makes it better.

So, be praying I can keep up with this crazy life I'm living and that I can find the perfect balance of health, school, work, and play.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

Loss Isn't ALWAYS Bad...

It's commonplace for people to weep or mourn after the loss of a loved one or a dear friend. Well, today I rejoice for a loss. A loss of myself.

I lost weight this week. It was small but it was still weightloss and any weightloss is still weightloss. I lost .8lbs this week! It's almost a pound and it still thrills me! It's my first weightloss in this journey and I'm excited to share this with y'all!

Now for a confession, last night I had fro-yo.....with granola. It was delicious, but I knew it wasn't an "okay" thing to do and will not be happening every day by any means whatsoever. Good thing, when I went out to eat this afternoon for lunch, I ate a "lite" sandwich for around 500 calories with steamed veggies. I really only ate the broccoli but whatever I still ordered the healthier choice over chips or fruit with fruit dip.

Well, it's time to go get my workout on! The retreat made my soreness worse from playing kickball with my bad knee and falling on my butt really hard, but I'm a lot less sore today and am ready for another week of it! So here we go! On to the next week!

Pray I can lose more weight this week and continuously count calories and workout when I need to.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

Change in Plans

This just a short update. So far its been a good week. Exercising, eating small portions more often to prevent crazy hunger, and eating healthier foods.

Well I've kind of got my schedule firgued out. This means with eating healthy, class, work, and leadership I have planned my exercise days. I've only had a chance to ft to the gym 2 days this week with my new work out but I played kick ball yesterday. My brother told me to only do the program 3 days a week every other day. So I won't be able to go on Saturdays because of work so now the days are Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday. This also means I'm changing my weigh-in day to Saturday. This will start next week. I'll go to the gym tomorrow and weigh-in tomorrow but also weigh-in on Saturday. Everything's going to work out great! All credit to God because He gave me this schedule and everything. Its gonna be grand!

So pray school gets off to a good start and so does everything else!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.
--Maggie Mae

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Doing Well =)

Again, my apologies for not posting yesterday. It's just taking a while to actually get into the swing of being back and remembering to post.

Yesterday went rather well. I went to get groceries from Walmart and I feel like I got some good stuff. I planned my meals from yesterday til Sunday pretty much but I don't know that they'll stay that way seeing as my friend is cooking dinner(healthy) on Saturday for us and tomorrow I'll be on a retreat.

Great news though! Last night I had a little get together at my house and maybe a fire to do marshmellows and what not. Well, I only ate a few marshmellows, like not even a serving! I was so proud of myself for stopping myself. On top of that, my friend brought kit cat bars, aka Chocolate....I only ate one. =) I did eat way more Zaps chips then I should have, I will admit to that. I ate way to much there. But I was faced with so much temptation and I feel that while I didn't pass with flying colors, I did pass. Maybe like a C. HaHa.

More good news(not totally dealing with weight-loss but it could help with that). I got a job! Where? At a PJ's Coffee! I'm so stoked! I've always wanted to work there and my friend's aunt and uncle own it and they're hiring and she called me and asked if I wanted it! I know you might think,"Won't you be tempted by all the sweets and coffee things that they have?" Oddly enough, I don't eat the stuff while I work in a coffee shop. I volunteer in my college ministries coffee shop and I'm always fine when I'm there. I might have a Mocha or something but it's like one and with skim milk. I don't like to have too much caffeine so it's not hard to pass up. Also, I'd feel bad if I ate the stuff there. It's for the customers. Not me. So I'll be on my feet a little more. Out of the house away from my fridge, so maybe, just maybe, this job will help me lose weight!

My diet is going well too in spite of the party last night. I ate small meals yesterday and followed the "main food" with a granola bar. Like, I had a lean roast beef sandwich on wheat bun with light mayo and some cheese. Probably about 250-300 calories for that sandwich. But I wasn't totally satisfied. So instead of eating something unhealthy, or worse, I made my "dessert" a granola bar. I love love love granola bars so when I was shopping yesterday I bought 3 different kind. One has a little chocolate in it even! It's dark chocolate so it's better for you. This morning I made a ridiculously awesome yogurt parfait! Berries, lowfat yogurt, and granola. It was so much to eat! But it was super low calorie for the amount of food you get! Not to mention I got dairy, fruit, and grain in one sitting! I think I'm gonna even half the amount of yogurt. The serving is one cup, but it was hard to eat that. So I'm going to try a half of a cup next time.

This is great! I feel great right now! Well, I'm off to make the job thing official with an application and interview and whatever else! Then workout, which I'm actually looking forward to!

Pray I can keep up this streak!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae

Work It Out!

Yeah, I know. I keep missing days. Yesterday I moved back up to my college town so I was preoccupied by packing and driving and stuff. Please forgive it.

I did my first workout yesterday! It went really well. I definitely need to challenge myself a little more as far as the weight training is concerned. I'm pretty sore around my shoulders and peck muscles, but my legs are absolutely fine. Definitely can use more weight, which is super exciting for me. See, after I had surgery in July on my knee, I didn't use it much. Even during my PT sessions, it wasn't much. So, consequentially, the quad muscle in my right leg went down a lot and wasn't as strong as it used to be. It's getting there again but it's taking a while. So, the fact that I was pumping 100lbs on the leg press without pain and am not sore today is pretty exciting to me! I've always loved the muscle in my legs and prided it, so when it went away, I wasn't too thrilled. The fact that it's coming back is like woah exciting! =)

My brother/personal trainer gave me an interval cardio routine to do. I do 2 minutes of relatively light elliptical (again really exciting because a few months ago my knee said no way to the elliptical) and then 1 minute of intense level and speed. I loved it! I was out of breath and sweating, but it felt pretty outstanding! On a side note, I have asthma. It's not bad and I don't have asthma attacks, but if it's cold weather out, then when I work out my chest tightens up and it gets hard to breathe deeply. My dad thinks I might should get an inhaler. It doesn't hinder me right now, but I guess eventually it could. So I'll probably get some sort of inhaler that I can take before and after working out so that I can breathe easy.

Today, I just got done planning my meals from now til Sunday. I plan on shopping every week so that I can plan my meals better. I'm not going to be home Friday til Saturday afternoon so I don't have much to get today. I am however going get some basic things that will last a while or that I'm eating within the next few days. Like granola bars, nuts, fruit. My brother recommends those snacks but I'm open to other suggestions. =)

So, everything is good right now. I'll be back at the gym tomorrow and starting school next week. I can't wait to get back into the swing of things! =)

My prayer requests today are for you to pray I can control my eating even when I go on the retreat(Friday-Saturday) and that I can figure out the right weight to start off with with weight training.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and He does, so I can.

--Maggie Mae