Today was Different

So today was a lot different then the past couple weeks have been.

I had fun.

It was a different fun. It was a fun that I learned in college. A comfort that overtook me with friends from college and that comes only with my college life. I went to the mall with a college friend that also lives near me. Hanging out with her and getting to share what has happened this summer. Talking with her was easy, natural. It was like that last year with the Rhombus. I could talk to them as easy as I could breathe. When I was with my friend tonight, I couldn't understand why it was this way with her and not with the Rhombus.

Then I continued to think about it. I continued to think about why my way with her was so much more natural when I had only known her for a few months when I have known the Rhombus for years. My conclusion? Well, my college friends were there with me through the hardships. Not that the Rhombus wasn't, but physically they weren't there. I couldn't look them in the eyes and tell them what was going on. What God was doing in my life and how things were going and what I was learning. The bottom line was I hadn't spent life with the Rhombus like I had with the people at college for the past year. Opening up is hard to start doing again. It's even harder to open up again knowing that in less then 2 months I'll be moving away.

This thought brings me back to the abandonment issue. Though I'm the one leaving, it feels like they're going to be leaving me. No matter how hard I tell myself that's not the case, my heart feels like it's the truth. I will miss them so much, and even though the girl in the Rhombus will be at college with me, it still isn't the same. I miss them so much. Wow, I made that present tense and it's not even happened yet, but it's true. I miss them already. I'm not questioning my decision to leave my hometown and move to my college town, I truly believe that God wants this for me. I just can't imagine leaving...but it's going to happen.

If any of you read this please know how much you mean to me and how much I love you each. I don't want to leave yall, and if it were possible I'd want you all to live with me. I will miss you all greatly.

But, regardless of what the future holds, God is still bigger and holds the future and all that it holds. He has me and all in my life. One day, everything will be okay.

--Maggie Mae