Friday, September 25, 2015

I was the Project Girl Picked On

I had a dream that I was one of the girls that was targeted as a joke to be dressed up and made over. Like I was set up with a cute guy. Who took me on the weirdest date...I helped him cut grass and ran errands with his girl roommate. Then while I was changing he walked in on me going to the bathroom like it was nothing and when I made him leave bc I was half naked bc I was chan gu in he went and told this huge room of ppl that I was like checking my underwear or something... when I came out then ambushed me and started telling me how pathetic I was to think he would like me. But he was one of those guys that in high school put on the hard ass front but really was nice...and he was nice except for we were in high school I guess. And they stripped me down. And tried to put new clothes on me i hated. I was about to cry and then just stood up in my towel and said "yall wanna see me naked? Here!" And opened the towel in front of these girls and bared it all (I had panties on..). They kind of gawked and I worried someone would take a picture so I closed the towel and they busted out laughing and I ran off. Somehow this coinincided with some assembly and I ended up running around just sad that ppl would do this. People I thought were my friends. And I couldn't find chantal....and when I did she just kept saying one second and when she finally came she was in too good a mood to be sad with me or angry at them. She could say sorry but she was just focused on leaving instead of helping me. She was with friends. And my parents didn't care as much as they should have either. One random person whose name I don't remember and I don't remember how I know them cared the most. She kept asking a if I was okay and if I needed anything. I realized before I left I had to go back and get my clothes. As I went to cross the hall back to his bedroom and find them bc I wasn't gonna let him keep them, my cat jumped on my dresser and knocked stuff over and woke me up. I think I had just gotten there bc I remember him looking sad and guilty. Like he was about to say sorry. I think he tried to talk to me as I got my stuff.

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Halloween and Dating the Grim Reaper

I don't remember everything leading up to the important parts...

I was at some sort of camp. We were going to have a pool party for Halloween soon.

I was out hiking, I guess, in the woods when I stumbled upon this tent made from tarp. It was up in some rocks so I climbed up to see it. My little cousin was following even though I told her not to.

When I looked inside the tent, I saw a lot of death. There were bones and dried blood everywhere. I told her to run away and as we started to I saw him in the forest.

The only way to try and describe him was the grim reaper with skin. You could sense his evilness. He turned to me and I tried to run but I couldnt.

He told me I would be his. I was his. He told me everyone would die if I didn't listen to him. I told him I wouldn't do what he wanted and I ran off.

I kept this secret from my family and friends. But as halloween drew closer I found myself thinking about the strange death man more and more.

The day before when we were setting up for the party, I felt a chill go through me. I freaked out a little but decided it was nothing. Then I stepped into the backyard where we had a beautiful garden and abundance of beautiful plants.

As soon as my foot touched the ground, everything began to die. The grass turned dry and brown, the roses wilted to black and crusted. Every single thing turned brown and gray. It was all dead.

I started crying at the death I'd created. Then I knew he had been right. I had become a King Midas of sorts, but everything I touched died instead of turning to gold.

I decided to run back to his makeshift home in the woods. I would tell him I'd stay with him as long as my family and friends were not hurt.

When I got there, he was about to vanish. I tried to stop him but I was too late. I knew he'd be back at the party so I ran back.

When I got there everyone seemed fine, except me because I was shouting trying to figure out where he was. I tried to describe him without terrifying everyone.

Then someone screamed and I turned to see him standing in the gateway.

My heart jumped and I ran to him. I pleaded with him to just talk to me, that he could have me but we had to talk and I had to understand.

No one wanted to let me go alone with this strange man that created fear with every step, but after much convincing, they let me leave.

We walked just down the block. He put his arm around me like a protective boyfriend. He told me how much he loved me and that he would never give up on me. That he believed I could one day love him.

I was speechless and terrifed. He explained his life some more and somehow I grew to have pity for him. Then I began to think I might actually love him back, but I was ashamed of my love for him. No one would approve and no one would understand. I didnt even understand and with that I became more fearful.

I conceded there might be a chance I'd love him one day, not letting on to my feelings, but he couldn't have my friends and family.

I don't remember the agreement we came to, but I think he left us alone and I hugged my friends and family without fear I would take their lives by touching them.

Friday, August 29, 2014

Brody

I was at some sort of school function. It was like a fair or something. My friends and I were talking as usual and then I met Brody. 

He was about 5'7" and had a stocky build. He wore a plain white shirt and jeans. Dark hair and eyes. His lips were thick but not in a "I just ate something I'm allergic to" thick. He was cute.

We hit it off and had great conversation. I knew we would start dating.

Later that we I saw him at least once more.

I received a phone call that an opening at a castle I wanted to be married at was available and wouldn't be available for another 3 or 4 years. It was a free wedding offered to me so I wanted to take the offer.

I called Brody and asked how he felt about skipping the whole dating part and just getting married. He said he wanted that! So I confirmed the booking which was in the next couple days.

I immediately started making calls and plans for the Saturday that I'd get married on just 3 days away.

When it was 2 days before the wedding, I hadn't talked to Brody much. I was at a hotel for something and it was sleeting. I kept saying how I didn't know how I felt about it sleeting so close to my wedding.

The next day was the rehearsal dinner and just about everyone I could have imagined inviting was there. It was funny, though. When I walked in the first table of girls I saw were wearing semi-formals. I turned to whoever was walking me in and said "I think everyone here is going to be more dressed up than I am in this subdress!" She assured me it didn't matter because I was the bride so I set the tone.

When I was in, I sat with my family and my dad asked me if anything was wrong. I said no, even though I was nervous. I was confident Brody was the person I wanted to spend my life with, but I still only had known him a few days.

I got up and went to Brody just so I could be near him. I started introducing him to my friends and family. 

When we got to my brother and his group of friends someone asked something about where we were going after the wedding.  Someone answer "the bedroom" to which I just wanted to crawl under a rock! My c brother was standing across from me and I was getting married at the same place he was which meant I was going to sleep in the same bed he slept in after his wedding...awkward.

Brody made a joke about it and instead I became excited to get to be with him and only him the rest of my life.

After the dinner, I was brought by adrien to where I'd be staying. It was some house we owned that was nearby the castle. It was strange because adrien was staying at the house also. He drove me and another person (who sat shot gun and I took that back) to the house and parked in the field everyone was supposed to park in. When we went into the house he brought in an N64 and a rack of games to go with it. He set it up when we got inside and I just watched, never having realized he liked video games.

After I showered I realized I didn't have any lingerie. I didnt have time to have had a shower so I decided it would just have to be okay without it.

Then I realized it was labor day weekend and I had no idea if anyone would be coming to my Sunday wedding. I checked my online rsvp account and it looked like I was right. People came the the dinner but wouldn't make the wedding. I tried to tell myself that it didn't matter as long as Brody and I were married by the end of the day.

Then I realized we never talked about faith. I had no idea what he believed as far as the bible, Jesus and religion was concerned. I still couldn't picture myself with anyone else so I just hoped he loved jesus like I do. I loved him, somehow, after only a couple days.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Drowned car

I wanted to be alone, so when a friend asked if I wanted to play volleyball I declined. I decided there were errands I needed to do anyway.

I can't remember what the errands were but I know they were important. I remember thinking no one could know about them.

Anyway, after I was done I went by the vball place to see if they were still playing. As I drove up my friend alex was walking away covered in sand. I stopped and talked to her for a bit. Turns out she was leaving because her husband was having a fit about something he didn't think she'd done right.

I saw like 20 people on the court and only a couple I knew so I decided not to get out and say hi. Instead I told alex to get in and I'd drive her to her car. She hopped in my huge f250 double cab truck.

I pointed out the irony that I was now driving the car she used to drive and she was driving a small car like I had driven, but she was focused on what her husband was texting her. It sounded like just a miscommunication to me.

As I drove to her car I, as I always have in dreams, was having problems with the pedals. It's like I didn't know which pedal did what. I was nervous because their were cops everywhere and I didn't want a ticket.

Finally I figured it out. Then there was a river we had to jump in order to get to her car's parking lot.

I wasn't going fast enough so we barely missed the connection. She yelled as we begun to miss and I panicked. We hit the water and both climbed out. I realized trying to hold the truck up and keep it from sinking would be impossible so I let it sink.

I started crying immediately.  I looked at alex and just sobbed and said "another car! I can't believe I did this..AGAIN!"

A cop came up soon after and towed my truck out the small river. I tried to have hope that maybe it was totaled, until I opened the doors and water flowed out.

The thought of calling my mom to come get me instead was unimaginable so I opted to walk home somehow.

Then I woke up in a panic because I was cold. Somehow I had balled my comforter up into a ball and moved it to the top of my bed

Monday, August 25, 2014

Bear attacks and creepy cabins

I was in Alaska preparing to come home.

I was at nancy's who had already gotten her way to fairbanks. I was left to drive myself through the mountain pass that would.lead me there.

I left later than I intended and took a break around sunset to look at something in the woods. When I hiked up I saw a bear near another hiker and let him know.

Then as I reached where I was going, I saw an iPad sitting in the grass and a cabin not 50 feet from me.

Then I saw the bear charging me. It was just trotting at first but when I started to back away it proceeded to charge at me.

I held up the iPad in some sort of defense and the bear started trying to rip it from me. The man who lived in the cabin and owned the iPad saw me and told me to give it to the bear. It was replaceable but I wasnt. So I threw the iPad away from me and ran into the house.

I barely made it. Once the bear realized the iPad wasn't me it came after me full speed. I barely shut the door and he was there.

It was darkening now and I was looking forward to the twists and turns of the mountains and the possible moose and deer on the road.

The man knew nancy and said I should stay overnight in the cabin.

The cabin had no window coverings which made for a creepy feel. I appreciated the man for helping me and he didn't seem off. Just the cabin.

I decided to stay and drive tomorrow. Nancy wasn't flying into fairbanks any time soon so her car didn't sleep to be there today.

Sleeping with a friend

Chantal and I were hanging out. We decided to see if Austin would be around and wanted to join us.

He was and we all decided to go see a movie. For some reason everyone going to watch this movie was black except for us and a few other white people. I didnt think it was a movie that had anything to do with being black or history or whatever, so I didn't understand the demographics of it.

As the previews were ending I felt sick and needing to use the restroom. I got there and had diarrhea.  I couldn't get a clean wipe though no matter how many times I did it. It was very uncomfortable and I felt like you could smell me.

I came out and Austin and chantal said the movie was horrible and they didn't wanna finish watching it. So I asked if we could go back to her apartment so I could use her flushable wipes.

Once we got there I didn't use the bathroom. Austin jumped in bed and apparently we were sharing it that night.

We were all ready to go to sleep but Austin and I started kissing (he now looked like Ashton Kutcher...and acted like).

He asked if I remembered the first time we had sex and I laughed and said yes. Then I kissed his nose and continued to kiss down.

He was saying we shouldn't because of chantal being next door but I couldn't resist. As I was about to cave and layed down on the pillows he started kissing down my stomach. I remembered I had used the wipes yet so I excused myself to "freshen" up, I guess.

When I went to get up her family walked in or something. I was so annoyed because I knew that meant we wouldn't be left alone the rest of the night.

I couldn't even use the bathroom in privacy. Someone finally pointed out it was about 5 am and almost sunrise.

Another car

I don't remember where u was going but I was on my way somewhere.

I missed my turn the first time so I made the necessary turns to get back in the correct lane to turn. There was a slight median on my left and people coming straight on the other side of it. The light was about to change and I was getting ready to turn. As I made my left turn a truck that was trying to stop and failed bumped into my right front door. I was so annoyed. I just couldn't believe it.

He said he was trying to stop and just slid. Then we were hit again. And again. When I thought it was over, someone came plowing through in the back and we all slid forward. I thought for sure we'd stop in a moment but suddenly we were under the overpass and not stopping. I pulled my e brake and spun slightly but we all stopped.

I don't know how but my car seemed to have been ambushed again and I was sent sliding into the sand pit under the highway. We all got out our cars. The lady behind me was elderly to I tried to find her a bottle of water in my car.

I noticed I had forgotten the frozen meals my mom had bought me in my car and that were no longer any good. My mom showed up then with the little girl I was supposed to be babysitting that day.

My dad came too and I tried to believe another car of mine was not totaled.  The rear axel was broken, the hood was cracked, and I didn't know what the extent of the engine damage.

My mom told me I was a reckless driver and that's why this kept happening to me. I told her to fuck off because there was no way this was my fault and she could shut up about the frozen food because there's nothing to do about it now.

When I got home that evening my knee was hurting so badly I couldn't walk much. My dad wanted to take me to the hospital but I told myself it was just a pinched nerve and wouldn't be bad for long.

I cried finally. Hysterically. At the pain in my leg, at the loss of another car, at the situation wholly. I cried.